The Perils of Being Curious
by Top-of-the-Castle
Summary: Insatiable Curiosity meets Unbreakable Secret. Or, in which Lily Evans realises curiosity is not always the right thing, and James Potter learns to open up (with a little "persuasion" – read yelling, blackmail, and veritaserum).
1. An Inability to Accept Not Knowing

**Part One: Curiosity**

 ** _Chapter One: A Mystery, an Argument, and an Inability to Accept Not Knowing_**

* * *

Lily Evans had always been told she was curious. When she was little and wanted to know a million things about the world her parents laughed, saying that she was such a lovely curious girl. Strangers passing the family by on days out complimented Lily on her curiousness when they heard her asking question after question. When they were young Petunia had loved Lily's curiosity, she had loved being the person who knew everything, and had thrived on telling Lily all about life, pets, people, and relationships. Lily had loved mystery novels growing up, dressing up as Nancy Drew for her 7th birthday and playing spies with her friends after school. When they had been caught breaking into a golf course tailing a 'evil assassin' and were facing a thorough telling off she had pleaded that she had just been curious about where all the balls came from, and she and her friends had got off with a warning and a pat on the head. When she was eight she had beguilingly asked why her hair was red while Tuney's was blonde. Petunia had joked that it was because she was a evil witch before telling her about simple genetics while she plaited it for her, claiming that there was a logical explanation for everything that one 'ought to know'.

Severus had commented on how curious she was after he told her she was magical and she asked thousands of questions about that new world. When she had encountered Sleekeazy's Hair Potion in her 3rd year at Hogwarts she had been curious about the 'unique results for redheads' and just had to try it out. She found that on Sundays (and public holidays) it glowed in the dark, but most other days it was just fine. She still uses it. Her hair of course was almost auburn, so she didn't get the full show (she saw the Prewett twins try it once, for a dare, and their hair got so bright it looked like it was on fire), but everyone told her she looked great with glowing hair. The Hogwarts teachers had also admired her enthusiasm and questions in class, and how her curiosity made her do extra research into how everything magical worked. Professor Slughorn suggested it was her 'natural curiosity about what ingredients would do' that made her great at potions. Her friend Mary MacDonald said that her curiosity about people's lives made her interesting and engaging to talk to.

Everything people had said to her told her that curiosity was a good thing. So why was James Potter yelling at her for it?

"You need to keep your perfect nose in your own bloody business! This is none of yours!" He said emphatically, standing in the centre of the Gryffindor common room.

"I'm just curious," she replied defensively, trying to ignore the steadily increasing number of stares they were receiving.

"You're not curious," he threw his hands in the air, " _Peter_ is curious about how the house elves decide what to cook each day. My _cat_ is curious about why Sirius chases him around. But you? You have an inability to accept not knowing."

"I happen to think that knowing things is very useful." Her voice was beginning to rise to match his, and her cheeks flushed angrily.

"You sound like a goddamn Ravenclaw. The only way that you are 'just curious' is that you're a bloody curiosity. You're impossible to understand." Almost everyone in the room had stopped their conversations now, avidly watching the shouting match. A couple immature people in a corner started placing bets on what it was about, how long it would last, who would storm off first.

"You think _I'm_ impossible to understand? I'm not the one keeping all the ruddy secrets."

"I will not tell you Evans," he said with finality, though the statement was hardly final, "don't ask me again."

"I don't need to ask you, I'll find out anyway!"

"It's a matter of life and death," declared James, trying in vain to get Lily to see sense. She just glared at him. The crowd held its collective breath. "It's matter of staying at Hogwarts or expulsion!"

"Fine," she said. The crowd exhaled as one. "I'll keep my _perfect_ nose out of your secrets."

Naturally she only intended to keep her nose at such a distance where Potter couldn't see it.

As she walked off with her head (and shapely nose) held high the students in the common room quickly turned their gazes away and resumed talking, like a silencing charm had been suddenly lifted off.

"I said _prefect_. Prefect nose, not perfect," James called lamely after her, "I don't think your nose is perfect, you're a bloody prefect." He trailed off and wearily lifted his glasses off his own, fairly respectable if a little large, nose.

"You said perfect mate," Sirius walked up to him with a half grin of sympathy and a little enjoyment, "you said perfect."

James swore.

* * *

With the determination of a rebellious teen who had just been told not to do something, Lily threw herself into trying to solve the mystery of why and where to James and his roommates disappeared at night. She had first learnt of the nightly escapades about a month ago, when she had gone up to the boys' room (a place she usually strived to avoid) in search of Remus. She had only wanted Lupin's help with a particularly difficult Ancient Runes essay that was due the following morning, but came away with something far more confusing than Why the rune symbolising infinity had been changed from a phoenix to a grim in 1578. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she stayed up all night writing down possible reasons they were all gone instead of even an inch of her essay. Professor Babbling wasn't pleased. Probably not one of Lily's best ideas.

So for a couple weeks Lily had come up with more excuses to visit the boys' dorm during the night, lost quills, lost wand, lost sense of proportion. She didn't need any of them of course, except to mention casually to the girls in her own room before going over, because she found that the boys were _never_ there. Sadly her excuses weren't as subtle as she thought, and after one time when she told her friends that she had misplaced her potions textbook and was going to ask the boys if she could borrow one, Mary pointed out that the incriminating book was sitting on her bed. The girls then proceeded to assure Lily that _they knew_ , and she didn't need to worry about what they would think because they were all fully supportive. When Lily, suitably confused, questioned them about _what in Merlin's name they were talking about_ , they told her they had assumed she was sleeping with James.

She stopped going around to the boys' room after that.

She did tell Mary what she had been investigating, and while Mary was sceptical she encouraged Lily to continue looking into it. And Lily did. At first the whole thing was just a fun little mystery she thought about in-between classes, but after she asked a bunch of subtly probing questions to James and his friends to not much avail and a whole lot of not-so-subtle subject changes, it began to be more of an obsession.

She adapted her list-of-possible-reasons-and-places-James-and-his-friends-disappeared-to into a more concise List of Possibilities, which she numbered appropriately according to their likelihood, and proceeded to try and get a confession.

When she asked Sirius if he liked Hogsmeade (and made sure he didn't think she was asking him out) he told her that after 3 years of boring dates and snow in his hair, he had bought everything Zonko's (and therefore Hogsmeade) had to offer.

She crossed off _4\. Sneaking off to Hogsmeade and getting drunk_.

When she asked Remus whether they had any elaborate pranks coming up that she should be prepared to avoid he said that they hadn't really been planning much recently, and while they would still maintain their devious reputation, their focuses had been elsewhere recently.

She crossed off _1\. Planning a prank_.

When she asked Peter about what he thought of Filch recently he was pretty non-committal, waffling something about them not being caught by Filch recently so the intense hatred had lessened slightly.

She crossed off _10\. Plotting to kill Filch (or maybe just get revenge)._

Eventually after crossing practically everything off her list (except _7\. Something sexual_ , which she just didn't know how to bring up politely, and _12\. Brewing Polyjuice potion and impersonating a teacher to find out all the gossip about McGonagall to later blackmail her into giving them all Outstandings_.) she just outright asked James where they went. And well… That escalated into the aforementioned (very unreasonable) argument in the common room. And from that moment on, her desperate curiosity doubled like it had been hit with a Gemino curse.

* * *

As she sat pondering who to focus her first real effort on she heard a sharp tap on the window closest to her bed. Looking up she instantly recognised Snape's owl and resignedly lifted the latch and let it in. She removed the attached note, then let the bird fly back outside. When she first got back to school in September she had been inundated with apology letters from Severus, which she had managed to avoid during the holidays. After a couple days (and about 8 letters) her firm resolve to ignore them had shattered and she had torn them all open to read. She had been plagued with thoughts wondering what he had written, with the tiny flame of hope that he had decided to ditch all that dark magic urging her curiosity on. Of course she sent back all the letters magically 'unopened' after being disappointed, not wanting him to know she read them. And she read _all_ of them.

This one she set aside.

She did intend to read it later, but for now her curiosity about James Potter's secret seemed more urgent than reading a repetitive empty apology incriminating the Gryffindor boys in all manners of ridiculous events.

If she was honest with herself she would have admitted that this obsession with the mystery was a distraction. It had been less than half a year since her friendship with Severus had broken down completely, and she what she needed more than anything was something to take her mind off it all. During the holidays it hadn't been so bad, sure it had been more fresh in her mind, but away from magic, away from Hogwarts, and away from the people and reminders that told her she was an outsider in that world she considered home, she could forget. Sighing at Petunia's haughty glares, and laughing at her boyfriend Vernon's blubbering pride, her parents' encouragement and affection, and the comfort of her old room all gave her a feeling of calmness. All the worry and unhappiness about the hostile state of the wizarding world just faded away in little Cokeworth. She didn't read the Daily Prophet, she didn't use her wand, and no one was calling her mudblood (although probably if it had been in Petunia's vocabulary of insults she would have been). But the moment she stepped through the barrier at Kings Cross she was isolated again. Her family couldn't come through, and all the worries, all the sadness, and all the anger she had locked away took their place standing next to her.

Everything about magic and Hogwarts she associated with him.

The train carriage where they had sat excitedly in their first year. The Great Hall where they would meet up each morning before splitting off to sit at their own tables. The Astronomy tower where they would sit and talk about the things they were going to do when they knew all the magic in the world. The Fat Lady's portrait where he had apologised. The potions rooms where they had spent so long experimenting. The spells. The lake. The grounds. That awful day after the defence exam.

This was why she needed a distraction. Her friends had helped, Mary, Remus, the other Gryffindor girls, she was slowly making new memories without Severus. And, despite the uncomfortable public confrontation with Potter, focusing on this mystery was helping.

So, thankfully forgetting the letter sitting beside her for once, she threw herself into writing out a plan of attack.

* * *

 _Well hello there dear reader, and thank you for starting my story! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the next one should be up *shortly* (I have already written at least half of this story, and have the whole thing planned out, but I will space out the uploads so it isn't all '5 chapters in 5 days and then like a six month gap'). There'll be maybe 10 chapters in total? Varying in length (this one is one of the shorter ones just fyi)._

 _Obviously I don't own Harry Potter!_

 _Reviews and comments are always appreciated,_

 _Your benevolent Ravenclaw author_


	2. The Aforementioned Plan of Attack

**_Chapter Two: The Aforementioned Plan of Attack (or A Series of Undeniable Failures)_**

* * *

"Pete," Lily said, sitting down next to him in Charms, "Pete Pete Pete. Peter."

Pettigrew looked at her sideways, "Lily," he said, cautiously questioning.

"I suppose you heard about my… Altercation with Potter yesterday, yes?"

"Heard _about_ it?" He snorted with laughter, "anyone from 3rd floor up would have heard it while it happened!"

"Right." Lily blushed at the reminder. "Well, you know that he refuses to tell me what you all are doing every night, but I was wondering if you might be able to enlighten me."

Peter's eyebrows raised and his chubby hands fidgeted. "I don't think James would appreciate that," he said warily, "besides, not sure it would benefit me much either."

"We could change that," Lily smiled, "what can I give you in return for telling me?"

"Are you bribing me?" Peter whispered, shocked at the redheaded girl's statement.

"Pshh…" She motioned with her hand as if flapping away cornish pixies and concerns. "Maybe just a little incentive?"

"If you threatened to kill me, maybe I'd tell, but the guys mean everything to me!"

She sighed, but shrugged. She respected his stance on the matter. "It's okay Peter, I understand."

They spent the rest of Charms in mostly silence, apart from when Lily corrected him kindly on his wand motions. She quite liked spending time with him (especially in comparison to Potter and Black), when he was on his own he was a good listener, and didn't have the air of confidence and self-obsession that made so many men tedious. She had gone to Pettigrew first thinking that he would probably break more easily, but with hindsight she could see where her logic went wrong. While the others, perhaps barring Remus, were concerned with the secret and ramifications on themselves, Peter was concerned with pleasing them. So with an unrelated secret he would be the obvious choice to intimidate, but his admiration and glorification of Potter meant that he would do anything to stay in his good books.

In a way she felt sorry for him, such an unequal friendship hardly seemed healthy. But who was she to judge, she thought, reminded (as she was too often was) of Severus.

* * *

Undeterred by the previous attempt Lily cornered Sirius after Care of Magical Creatures, the only class they had together this year without the interfering eyes of his friends. After making sure Black would stay after class by surreptitiously jinxing a hole in his bag, letting out all manner of unexpected but satisfactorily chaotic magical items, she urged Mary to go up to the castle without her. A red Screaming Spinning Top burrowed its way into the grass with a high pitched wail. A vial of bubbling blue liquid broke and exuded an unpleasantly spicy smell that drove most of the sixth years off, and attracted some nearby toads. Sirius muttered "what a waste". Lily wrinkled her nose and stirred her determination.

Flashing her prefect badge at Professor Huxley she encouraged the hassled teacher to go tend to his incoming third year class while she helped clean up the mess. A Fanged Frisbee which attached itself to Huxley's coat helped motivate him sufficiently, and soon Lily was alone with Sirius.

She decided to get straight to the point.

"Tell me where you and Potter and the others go at night." She pulled out her wand and stood as tall as she could, putting on her best intimidating glare.

He stood up from where he had been crouched cleaning up the strange blue toad attractant and smiled at her. Several toads were leaping about his feet. He casually span the Spinning Top he had managed to extract from the ground between his fingers (it was calmed by the action and had finally ceased its screaming).

"Evans you're not going to hex me."

His self-assured grin just made her even more likely to, and he seemed to realise that when she brandished her wand closer to his face, almost poking his left nostril.

"Look, Lily." He dropped the cocky expression and the Spinning Top he was holding. "I'd love to tell you, but it isn't just my secret to share. It involves other people, people I care about, and I can't betray their trust. It's something we would all need to agree on before revealing, and while frankly I don't give a rat's arse about getting in trouble, I'm not the one who has the most to lose here."

His sincerity was only slightly marred by the loud screeches that had once again started from the Screaming Top below them and somehow even louder croaks from a toad which now was vehemently humping his shoe. She sighed and lowered her wand. She hadn't expected that kind of maturity from Sirius, who six months ago she was sure would have laughed and provoked her into actually hexing her. Momentarily she was disappointed because once again her efforts had been fruitless, but that feeling was quickly outweighed by appreciation of this new maturity, for while it may not help her in the short term it'd surely be a great benefit to the entire magical population. She wondered where it came from.

They walked back to the castle together, a reparo'd bag holding most of the objects that spilt out and wrought havoc (as well as some of the toads), and Lily decided this time to just accept the unexplained for its positive outcome rather than question it. A little sacrifice to allow her mystery solving energy to remain focused. Because of course there was no way she would give up on the bigger mystery here. She'd just have to try something new.

* * *

A couple of days later Lily found herself patrolling the castle with Remus, something they did begrudgingly each month as prefects. In thinking about how to best approach him she had debated several techniques, but in the end she had settled on a direct appeal.

"Remus?"

Lily stopped walking in the middle of one of the staircases on their way up to the 3rd floor. Remus paused on the stair below her. It wasn't unusual for them to talk on their rounds, about their schoolwork ("What do you think the best counter is for the Oppugno jinx? Would a magical shield work or would you need something physical?"), or their friends ("Sirius got another detention today, for telling Madame Fancourt his tealeaves showed her and Filch getting it on in Greenhouse IV"), or even what they thought was going to happen after they left Hogwarts ("I don't know"). Often Lily would ask about how Remus and his friends had pulled a certain prank. Remus would tell her most of what he knew while assuring her that he wouldn't let James know she had been interested. But they hadn't been doing many extravagant hoaxes recently, and usually he and Lily would continue patrolling while they talked, so Lupin tilted his head and paused expectantly.

Ready to launch into her prepared inquiry she looked across at him. He looked tired. He had bags under his eyes that seemed worse than usual, and he was leaning too rigidly on the staircase banister. His pleasantly curious expression seemed forced. Lily frowned with concern. She didn't like seeing her friend like this. So instead of her planned dozen persuasive questions (inundated with ample begging), she merely asked one.

"Are you alright?"

The staircase beneath them shuddered and jolted sharply to their left as whatever magical sentience it had been given decided it wanted it was a bit bored of staying useful. Lily, used to the contrariness of the staircases, managed to quickly grab hold of the banister. She only swung slightly around, her feet twisting on the spot as she leaned out backwards. Remus on the other hand toppled sideways and went down several steps head-first before he could he could clutch one of the railings. He lay there defeated for a few seconds before the staircase connected with another landing, stopping just as suddenly as it departed, and Lily could reach out and give him a hand up.

"I'm fine," he replied, in answer to both Lily's question and her clear concern about the fall he just had. She didn't believe him.

She stared at him with puzzle clear in her bright green eyes, and wanted more than almost anything to call him out on his lie, and find out the truth. But the thing she wanted more than that was to make sure he was happy, and arguing with him in this state would only make him feel worse. So she merely said "Okay," with the added caveat of "Just know you can always tell me anything Remus, I'm here for you."

She left it at that, and with a small smile each, one comforting and one relieved, they continued their patrol in considered silence.

As they finished up on the 6th floor and started on the familiar pathway back to the Fat Lady's portrait Lily's mind spun with new thoughts.

Her talk with Remus, while not very enlightening about the mystery, only incentivised her further to get to the bottom of it. He was obviously tired, and clearly staying out every night was only going to make that worse. He probably just didn't want to insult his friends by backing out of whatever nightly ritual they had going, and his friends weren't observant enough to realise.

Truthfully she had begun to wonder whether or not it was a good idea to continue pressing the issue just to sate her desire for satisfaction. With the warnings from Potter and Black tumbling through her head each night suggesting that someone could be hurt by the truth she had been considering calling it quits. But now it was clear that someone was already getting hurt, and by knowing what was going on she would be able to convince them to stop so that Remus could get adequate rest. Or at least that's how she justified it to herself.

As she internally validated her curiosity she considered why she had only just noticed Remus's exhaustion. And as they stepped back into the Gryffindor common room she realised why. None of the other boys looked tired. She had been so focused on James and Sirius she hadn't stopped to look closely at her friend. But come to think of it, why _did_ none of the others look tired? Were they creating some kind of secret base, or digging a tunnel to Hogsmede and making Remus do all the hard work? Ooh that wasn't on her list! She shook her head. No, that didn't seem like them. They were a team and there was no way they would relegate all the work to one person.

She said a short goodnight to Lupin, who was wandering over to where his friends lounged near the fireplace working hard on something (schoolwork or mischief Lily didn't know), and walked up the stairs to her room. Once there she dived into her bed and pulled all of the drapes across, blocking out the world and the chatter coming from Mary, Marlene, Robin, and Jasmine. She was going to need to take some more drastic measures. It was becoming repetitive really, the amount of times she thought that. Yet it still rung true.

* * *

 _Well there is chapter two, I hope you liked it!_

 _Your adoring Ravenclaw author_


	3. Portraits, Potions, and Merlin's Hat

**_Chapter Three: Portraits, Potions, and Merlin's Pink Pointed Hat (or A Collection of Confused Stares and a Plethora of Mint Humbugs)_**

* * *

Lily had good relationships with several of the portraits in Hogwarts. She frequently waved or exchanged pleasantries with Geraldine the Gracefully Ignorant and her neighbour Plain Dave, who hung overlooking the grand staircase from the fourth floor. She was also on friendly speaking terms with Primus Vega (an enigmatic yet energetic oil painting located at the base of the Astronomy Tower), the red-haired Glanmore Peakes (whose 16th century Scottish accent made his tales of sea serpents seem less repetitive), and Alissa DeMann (who spewed questionable but consistent advice from her perch outside the trophy room). She had in-jokes with Melody and Druzella Bott, who both adored the attention, and Gifford Abbott, who (after several hints about the password) provided a sneaky shortcut for when she was late to transfiguration.

These friendships, if you could call them that (and Lily did), had sprung in her early years from a fascination with not only how art could move in the magical world, but with how it could capture a likeness of a person. She had always been confused about how so many of the other students just took it for granted and ignored all the portraits unless they needed something specific. They had proved very useful over the years, not only from the naïve magical interest standpoint or for when she was late, but also for things like History of Magic assignments or advice about things Lily didn't want her whole dorm to know (but only if she was happy with the whole of Hogwarts' portrait population knowing. Gossip seemed to travel faster through paint than air).

But today she was on a different mission. A mission of espionage and observation and pleading the portraits to help her.

"Ah Melody, looking lyrical as always," Lily said, greeting her brush-stroked friend and earning some confused glances from a passing by third year.

"Lily you grow taller each day," Melody replied from inside her gilded frame, indicating with a liquorice wand in her hand. It was Lily's turn now to look confused. "I'm surprised you haven't spouted petals yet!

Lily chuckled softly and shook her head, red covering her view for a moment until her hair settled. Then she grabbed a lock and held it up. "You don't think my hair is bright enough?"

Melody looked at her own pale brown locks, fading from the wear of the canvas. "Ay, yours is plenty bright, mine could do with a new coat of gloss though."

"I'd talk to Filch for you, but I think he'd take a dozen points of Gryffindor for even insinuating that his painting maintenance wasn't up to scratch," said Lily regretfully. Melody shrugged and tossed her hair back over her shoulder. "So where's 'Zella? I had something I wanted to talk to you both about."

"I expect she's off galavanting with that rogue of an acrylic Xavier Zabini. You know he only likes her because she's so generous with our sweets." Melody gestured to the mountainous pile of lollies on the table set for two in front of her. "You can't even get the full taste in acrylic paint. They just become so synthetic you know?"

"Oil is the only way to go," Lily agreed seriously. "Those acrylics can't hold a candle to the depth and light of your masterpiece."

Melody preened at the compliment, and popped a sugar quill in her mouth. Lily rummaged through her bag for a moment until she pulled out a matching lolly and nibbled at the spun sugar feather. The sweet taste distracted her for a moment before she remembered her mission.

"So my Melodious friend, I was wondering if you and Druzella could do a small favour for me. You see I know this group of students who are disappearing from Gryffindor Tower each night, and I'm worried they might be doing something dangerous."

Melody nodded, unwrapping a bright pink chocolate.

"And well I can't follow them, because it's against the school rules and I don't want to lose my prefect badge." She'd already be breaking enough rules with what she was planning to do later. "So here's where you and 'Zella come in, and any other painting we can recruit to the cause. All I'm asking is that you keep an eye out during the nights for a band of four boys my age."

"Oh we would be well happy to help you out Lily darling, it'd give us a little excitement in this frame of ours. Although Merlin knows Druzella gets enough excitement outside the frame," she added, disapproval clear in her two dimensional expression.

"So you'll mention it to her when she gets back?" Lily asked. "And to any other portraits you think would do it as well?"

"Of course darling. Apollyon Pringle down on Ground loves catching miscreants and night wanderers, but he's a bit difficult to talk to, I might send Dru. Ooh and Prissy 'Opaleye' Watkins and Dunken Diggle love a good mystery, yes and they have a good view of the main entrance. And old Jackly Randell was painted without eyelids, so he's always up during the night," listed Melody, stacking a few empty wrappers in a pile to remind her later.

"Wonderful," said Lily, "thank you so much! I'll come round next week to find out if you've seen anything."

"Splendid to see you dear, we'll keep our eyes out."

"Stay sweet!" Lily called, as she turned and strode away down the corridor.

She spent the rest of her Thursday afternoon free period tracking down her other friends and convincing them to be on the lookout as well. Most readily agreed, eager for some entertainment in their framed lives. Gifford Abbott even admitted to knowing who she spoke of when she mentioned that one of them was a prestigious strutter, saying that Potter and his friends were frequent users of his secret passage, although he hadn't seen them around at night. When she was a little put out that she and Potter had something like that in common Gifford was quick to comment that they had taken a lot longer to guess the password than her. That mollified her slightly, and after making sure he would let her know if he saw them again she moved through his dimly lit passage to his matching portrait in the Transfiguration corridor.

By the time she reached Glanmore Peake's big gold frame on Second she had finished her sugar quill and, having spent the lunch break with Melody, was feeling rather hungry. Luckily, as she talked to the Scot on his painted ship, she remembered Mary had given her a big bag of Honeydukes sweets just before the holidays, to tide her over while she was in the muggle world. Not really liking mint humbugs very much, and fully aware you could get non-moving ones in Cokeworth, she had stuffed the little pack of those in her school book bag, for emergencies. Having missed lunch she was prepared to eat anything, and delved through the pockets she had charmed onto her bag until she grasped the slightly wriggling bag of mints.

She continued munching on them as she worked her way around all the portraits she knew, trying to ignore the way their tiny legs flailed on her tongue. Really, she would never understand why wizards, having so much power over the inanimate objects of the world, decided to make sweets seem realistically alive. Why would anyone want to eat a moving creature? Even if it was made of something delicious.

When she had talked to her last painted friend she had gotten through about half the bag of humbugs. She'd save the rest for surreptitious snacks in Potions. Ah. Potions. The class after her free period that she'd forgotten all about. She looked at her watch.

"Oh crap and Merlin's pink pointed hat." She was late. She was also getting another confused stare from a young student, a Hufflepuff second year this time. Really, she thought as she ran through the corridors, she got enough confused stares she could start a collection.

She almost tripped rushing down the stairs to the dungeons, her hand still clutching the bag of sweets as she tried to keep her book bag from flying off her shoulder. She stuffed them in her robe pocket as she skidded to a halt outside the classroom. She knocked sharply on the door before entering, apology at the ready.

"Miss Evans, do come in," came the booming voice of her potions professor, "I was just telling the class that we'll be making an Elixir to Induce Euphoria today."

Lily shuffled in and took her usual spot. She mumbled something about "prefect duties" before sitting down. Slughorn continued his instructions, making a quip about how they'd all be ghosts at the top of the astronomy tower by the end of the lesson because the potion would 'raise their spirits'.

She saw James Potter raise an eyebrow at her from across the room and motion to his head before turning his attention back to Slughorn. She frowned in confusion at him. Maybe he should start his own collection of confused stares, although probably he got more admiring ones (not from her of course). His head looked normal, well, as normal as his head could look with his ridiculously messy hair. Oh. She put her hands up to her own hair and found that it was a flyaway mess thanks to her frantic run through the castle.

She quickly ran her fingers through it as Slughorn detailed the effects and appearance of the finished euphoric Elixir. Then realising that had no influence whatsoever over the state of her hair she cast a quick smoothing charm over it and thanked the world for magic as it returned to its normal neat appearance.

She pulled out her textbook and gathered the appropriate ingredients when Slughorn told them to begin, setting her quill beside the book in case she had any notes to make. It was a habit she and Severus had started in their second year, although his notes had always been more elaborate and often quite derisive of the original formulas.

As she was stirring the potion, after adding the porcupine quills her stomach rumbled, and after looking around to make sure no one was watching she reached into her pocket and grabbed another mint humbug. She stuffed it into her mouth and tried to look innocent while continuing to stir slowly. She reached into her pocket and pulled out another one.

But this particular sweet, perhaps it had seen the fate of its comrades, perhaps it had decided it didn't want its end to be inside Lily Evans, or perhaps its little humbug legs were just more vigorous than the others, for it wriggled right out of her fingers and fell with a resounding 'plop' into the cauldron below.

As she silently cursed and tried frantically to fish the lolly out with her stirring spoon she could feel the eyes of Severus Snape watching her intently. She dredged up her spoon but nothing but boiling caramel coloured liquid came up. She had to think fast, otherwise it would melt. It already had, but sadly Lily didn't know this, so when she pulled out her wand, held it to the bubbling surface of the potion and whispered "accio mint humbug" there wasn't a mint humbug in there anymore to be summoned. However, there were plenty of eager ones in her pocket.

She caught some of them, as they flew out of the bag at her call, like minty moths to the flame. Of course, the ones she didn't catch, the ones who gathered at the tip of her wand, were instantly dissolved in potion it was held above.

Lily dropped the ones in her hand on the floor in despair when she realised. They wandered off to live their short, magically animated lives in the potions storage cupboards.

"Damn and Merlin's sparkly high heels," she whispered randomly, ignoring the probably very confused stares from the neighbouring students.

The one bit of luck she did have that class was that Isabel Davies had just swallowed some of the liquid from her sopophorous bean when it bounced after she cut it, and now couldn't remember the past week. This was lucky for Lily because while she was struggling and swearing with the plethora of humbugs around her desk and in her potion, Professor Slughorn was busy seeing to Davies, and wasn't watching her.

Having concluded that the sweets were thoroughly dissolved into her potion and that there was nothing else she could do but hope, she continued on with the instructions. She hoped that not too many of the humbugs had fallen in, and she hoped that they wouldn't tamper with the potions effects or appearance, and she hoped that Slughorn would still be in a good mood after he saw her disaster of a potion.

She just had to get him in a good mood.

For the final stage Lily got out her wand to cast the cheering charm on the gently bubbling sunshine yellow solution. Once done she could see little rainbows sparking off the sides of the cauldron and in the steam rising from the pot. She breathed in the colourful aromatic steam and winced at the clear scent of peppermint. At least, she thought, it hadn't seemed to have done any visible damage. The potion was the required yellow, maybe a shade darker, and the rainbows were there. She looked around curiously at some of the other cauldrons. Most were in the same stage as her, a couple had brighter rainbows or a purer yellow, a sad few had none, or were a ugly mustard tone. Snape's was the brightest of them all, the rainbows reflected in his ever-greasy hair. Potter was scooping some of his bright yellow one up and putting it in a little vial which he placed in his pocket subtly.

When the time for brewing was over, and Isabel had been sent to the hospital wing, Slughorn came round to evaluate all of the completed potions. When he got Lily's he beamed at her in anticipation. She tentatively smiled back as he inspected the appearance of the potion.

"Stunning as always, although the colour could be a tad clearer," he said, wagging his finger at her. Then he put his face over the cauldron and breathed in deeply. Lily held her breath and waited for the verdict.

"Ah miss Evans, you've added… Is that a sprig of mint?" Slughorn asked with a smile on his face, although Lily couldn't be sure if that meant he thought mint was a good idea or if it was just because of the numerous euphoric fumes he had inhaled. She nodded cautiously, thinking it better to just agree rather than to explain the whole eating in class situation. "That could definitely have some positive effects on the occasional side-effect or two, ingenious my girl. And you've something given it something to make it that extra bit sweeter, always a good idea, that'll make the effects last a little longer too."

"Just thought I'd experiment a bit sir," she said with a sigh of relief. She noticed out the corner of her eye that Severus was making vigorous notes in his textbook.

"Such natural instincts," Slughorn said, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he clapped a hand her shoulder. "I should be used to it by now eh?"

He moved on to the other students, and, while Severus' potion was clearly the most accurate, he didn't get nearly as much praise for it as Lily had for her accident.

As the bell rang and the others packed up their things and filed out Lily took her time. She waited, using a slow scrubbing spell on her cauldron, until everyone else left the classroom, then strode up to talk to Slughorn.

"Sir, I was wondering if you might be able to help me with something," she inquired. He nodded encouragingly and asked what it was. "For Transfiguration we've got to transfigure ten different liquids into wine for Monday, and write an essay on if and why the products vary. And you see obviously most of the class will choose easy everyday liquids, water, pumpkin juice and the like, but McGonagall hinted that if we wanted a good mark the more difficult or rare magical liquids would be advisable. So I was wondering if I could use some of the potions stocked for observation in your office."

It wasn't a complete lie. In fact what she'd just said was true. However what she was planning to do with one of the potions wasn't what she just suggested. Nor was it legal.

She'd only need a few drops anyway, he'd never need to know.

"That's my girl, always going that extra mile," he said, bustling around his desk. "The thing is, there have been some recent unexplained disappearances from the storerooms this year, roseroot and ashwagandha mainly, and I'm not sure the other teachers would approve of me handing out potions willy-nilly."

"Ah of course sir, I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble." She paused. "But of course the transfigurations wouldn't be permanent, I'd restore the potions and give them back as soon as I was finished," bar a couple drops of veritaserum. "I only need a few vials."

"Hm… Well I couldn't refuse my favourite student," he tapped his nose with a finger, "it'll be our little secret. Just have them back here by Monday eh my girl?"

She sighed in relief as he led her to his office and unlocked the cupboard which held the demonstration potions. She picked out 10 vials from the shelves, thanked Slughorn, then went on her merry way up to Gryffindor Tower. The bottles jangled quietly in her bag as she climbed the stairs, one of them destined for the goblet of James Potter.

* * *

 _Well in my planning for this story this chapter stayed as about two lines for a long time, but now it's one of the longest chapters! Does that mean a lot of the words were unnecessary? Probably. Do I regret it? Of course not._

 _Also, I've only just realised the formatting for the previous chapters failed and so any time jumps between certain paragraphs weren't obvious! Sorry! That should be fixed now._

 _I'd love to hear your thoughts,_

 _Your overly-verbose Ravenclaw author_


	4. The Ambiguous Loisoning of James Potter

**_Chapter Four: The Ambiguous and Misinterpreted Loisoning of James Potter_**

* * *

Lily's plan to Get-Truthful-Answers-From-James-And-Not-Get-Caught was simple. On Saturday morning she would approach the section of the dining table where Potter and his friends sat, lean over between James and Peter (because they were boys of habit and always sat in the same formation) and ask Remus a question about the most recent DADA essay. Then, under the cover of passing her essay for Lupin's approval, she would surreptitiously drop some Veritaserum into Potter's cup, take back her essay after a moment and sit down for breakfast further down the table so she could watch when Potter took a drink of his drugged Pumpkin juice. When he did she would walk back up to them with another question for Remus, holding her own drink in her hand, which she would spill all over James. She would then offer to fix it outside with a drying spell, and when they were out of everyone's view she would ask him her questions, dry him, and hand him a new goblet of drink with a tiny bit of sopophorous bean liquid in it so he would forget he told her anything.

Alright, so maybe it wasn't simple. Maybe it was unnecessarily complex and convoluted. Maybe she could have bumped Potter as she walked past and spilt his juice, offered to get him a new one and put in the potion when she poured it. But she felt like that would draw attention to the act of her pouring his juice, which would make it hard to stay undetected, and she would only get one shot, because if they realised she had out something in his drink they'd be on the lookout and she would never be able to do it subtly. Maybe she could have just confounded him, stuffed him in a cupboard and force-fed it. But there were several reasons she had dismissed _that_ idea.

Unluckily for Lily, and most of her luck seemed to be going that way recently, her convoluted scheme to remain unnoticed was in vain thanks to the melodramatics of Sirius Black.

Sirius had had a terrible morning, and it had only been an hour since he woke up. James had been out early for a quidditch practice, and when he got back to the dorm he had thrown his broom in the general direction of his bed and gone for a shower. However his broom sailed past his bed in a graceful magical arc and had landed hard in the middle of Sirius' forehead, jolting him out of a rather pleasant dream. Then, in his frustration at being woken rudely and early he discarded James' broom on the floor, and promptly tripped over it when he stood up. A right awful headache, and the fact that he just argued with James about broomstick etiquette (whether it's alright for your best mate to throw your broom on the floor after you inadvertently threw it at his head (Sirius: yes, James: no)), as well as the knowledge that he detention that evening, made him dramatically slump down with his head on his arms when they all eventually arrived for breakfast.

It was this slumped position that allowed Sirius to see Lily drop the veritaserum into James' glass under her essay while the others could not.

For a while Sirius was tempted to just let James drink whatever horrible potion she had put in, as a form of passive revenge for the broom incident. But, as surely amusing as it would be, he couldn't let his friend drink some drugged drink.

"Oi James, I don't want to worry you, but Evans put something in your drink," he said casually, sitting up after Lily had left.

His friends looked at him with varied expressions of confusion. He stoutly bit down on a slice of toast and jam, meeting their stares confidently.

"Alright, did someone cast a confundus charm on Sirius?" James asked Remus, with a worried glance at Sirius.

Remus started to respond but Sirius stuffed his half-eaten slice of toast in Lupin's mouth. "I'm not crazy. I _saw_ her do it Prongs."

"Okay, let's imagine for a moment that he'd telling the truth," posed Remus, after wrenching the toast out of his mouth and wiping away the jam that lined his upper lip. "What would she have _ever_ wanted to put in Prongs' cup?"

"Our dear Lily loves to hate James, the possibilities are endless. Some kind of revenge potion to embarrass him? A babbling beverage to stop his eternal infernal flirting with her?" Sirius said eagerly.

"An invisibility potion so she'd never have to look at him again?" Peter added jokingly, with an appreciative chuckle from Sirius.

"A jawbind potion so he'd stop talking?" Sirius continued, with an expectant look at Remus. There was a pause.

"A deflating draught so his head would stop being so big?" suggested Remus, giving in. Sirius grinned and opened his mouth to add more, but James cut them off with a glare that would silence He Who Must Not Be Named himself.

"Alright, you guys are hilarious," deadpanned James, "but this is _Evans_ we're talking about. She wouldn't do something so blatantly blameable. If she was going to _get her revenge_ or whatever she would do it in a way where there was no risk to her shiny prefect badge."

"Or her perfect nose," Sirius mumbled into his reclaimed slice of toast. With a sly glance at James he coughed, "Sorry, did I say perfect? I meant _prefect_."

"Oi! No," said James defensively, "You know it was a slip of the tongue. A _mistake_. Easily done."

"Easily done," Sirius repeated gravely, with a knowing nod to Wormtail, who nodded seriously back. "Easily done."

"Her nose is… Y'know… I don't know, turned up, and freckled, and– and– not that I think freckles are bad or anything. Actually on Evans they're pretty darn cute."

Sirius shook his head despairingly. "I should know better by now, shouldn't I. Any mention of Evans and he goes completely moony. No offence Remus."

"None taken. But for someone who apparently hates public confrontation Lily sure does it enough with you," said Remus, bringing the boys back to the topic at hand. James bristled at the betrayal. "Why couldn't putting something in your drink be part of that?"

"I thought you were on my side Moony!"

"Hey, I'm on no one's side," he said, lifting his hands up. "I'm just saying that Padfoot presents some convincing ideas, and he shows none of the signs of being confounded. Except maybe forgetting that you get all stupid at the mention of Lily."

"The signs of being confounded are confusion and delusions. What's more delusional than the idea that Evans would poison me?"

He shook his head and grabbed his goblet, determined to enjoy his pumpkin juice.

"Go on, drink it," said Sirius offhandedly, "see if I care when you've been turned into an erumpent who can't wear his glasses because his head is too big."

James slammed his goblet back down on the table. "Fine." He pushed his glasses off his nose in exasperation. "Without insults about the size of my head or my abysmal flirting, what could Evans have put in my drink?"

Peter ate a sausage. Remus wracked his brain. Sirius stared into James' goblet.

"A love potion?" Peter suggested, scooping some scrambled eggs onto his fork and feeding them to his owl.

James banged his head repeatedly on the empty stretch of table in front of him, making the goblet jump up and down.

"A love potion," echoed Sirius, thoughtfully.

James lifted his head incredulously. He looked at Remus for support, who only shrugged, then he looked around to see if a someone was holding a wand at his friends, having cast _confundo_ on them all. He threw his hands up, giving in. There was an easy way to check for Amortentia.

James sniffed his goblet warily. He was relieved to find it smelled normal.

"Wormy, Padfoot, if it were a love potion I'd be smelling butterscotch, broomsticks, and the blueberry-and-pomegranate scented version of my dad's hair potion range. Took me so long to figure that last one out, but I still don't know why. I mean I love my dad, but not that much! Plus he's practically bald now. And he'd use the orange cinnamon scent—." James stopped rambling, noticing Sirius' sigh at this topic once more being rekindled. He brought the incriminated glass up to his nose and breathed in deeply. "I smell nothing but regular pumpkin juice. Not a hint of Sleekeazy's. So no Amortentia, I mean really, we did this just a couple of months ago Sirius!"

"Yeah, and you were clearly too busy trying to figure out what you smelled to listen to ol' Sluggy. There are tons of different types of love potions. They don't all do that weird smell thing."

"Oh. Okay." James looked thoughtfully at his goblet, as if he would be able to discern its magical contents by mentally questioning it. Then he shook his head suddenly and looked up with a raised eyebrow. "But why in the name of Merlin would Lily Evans try to— is there an equivalent to poison for love potions? Cause it's not poisoning is it? If you try to poison someone that's murder, and I know love potions are illegal and all, but it's not that bad. Loison? Ooh nah that sounds like some awful disease! Love poison? Does that work? Is it just Drug?"

Sirius just looked at him and shrugged as if to say "Who cares?" or maybe "Shut up please I get the idea" or even "You smell the hair potion in Amortentia because it's the one Lily uses and you're crazy about her and I can't believe you haven't realised that you fool". Maybe not.

"Right." James nodded sharply, getting the gist behind Padfoot's stare. "Back to the point. Why in the name of Merlin would Lily Evans try to love poison me? No–" he broke off again– "that doesn't sound right does it? Never mind. _Why_ would she put a love potion in my drink?"

Sirius, it appeared, had given up on the conversation for the moment, and shook his head despairingly before crunching down on his now cold toast. Peter was quick to pipe up with some possibilities.

"Maybe… Maybe she's in love with you and doesn't realise you already like her. No. Maybe it was meant for Padfoot." James glared at Peter, who quickly backtracked with more ideas, speaking faster and higher as he went along. "Uh, maybe she was trying to get you to help her with Transfiguration. Or get you to do whatever she wants. Or– or what if she's trying to make you look stupid to get back at you for that blow-up in the common room the other day!"

"Or make you so magically infatuated with her that you would answer all her questions about where we go," added Remus, seriously. Peter's eyes went round and his head bobbed up and down, mouth hanging open slightly revealing some chewed sausage. Sirius reached over and lifted up his jaw so it closed before turning to James and nodding thoughtfully as well.

"He's got a point you know Prongs," Sirius said, his eyes flickering briefly over to where Lily sat pretending she wasn't watching them from behind her loose curtain of dark red hair, "she seems pretty damn determined to find out."

"Oh come on guys. Come on. Sure she was determined, but she said she would drop it, and I haven't heard another word about it from her." His friends shared guilty looks, each having been approached by Lily without telling James, not wanting there to be another dramatic fight and just hoping she would give up soon.

"Er, look Prongs, she might have continued asking us– not that we'd tell her anything obviously, but she hasn't exactly dropped it," admitted Sirius, carefully.

James frowned, looking over at where Lily sat down the table. "Anyway I already fancy her, Merlin knows _why_ , but if I won't tell her now, why would giving me a love potion change that?"

"Magical infatuation is different from regular…" Remus waved his hand about vaguely between James and the general direction of his affections, trying to come up with a term that wouldn't belittle his friend's long-lived crush. He eventually settled on the simple "feelings. The subject would become your whole world and you would lose all sense of reason, you'd forget anything preventing you from doing what they want."

They all looked at James, who avoided their gazes and glared into his pumpkin juice, wishing he'd poured himself coffee instead. After an internal fight he pushed the goblet out of his reach, and reached for some toast in an effort to end the discussion.

Sirius however, didn't want to end it, and tried various things, including attempting to give some to Peter's owl, claiming that it was an foolproof experimental test. But Peter vetoed the foolish plan by not wanting to subject his pet to unrequited love. Remus refused to let Sirius do it by force, and none of the others had gotten any mail that morning, so the goblet of pumpkin juice remained firmly on the table, undrunk by owl or man, until it disappeared with the other remains of breakfast when everyone was finished (perhaps dooming some innocent house elf to love Lily as Peter suggested).

Now if Lily had been close enough to hear all of their discussion she would have learnt many things (and probably decided to use a different scent of Sleakeazy's), but alas she had situated herself a less incriminating distance down the table, and learnt only that her plan had failed once more.

Later, during Transfiguration, when Lily heard Remus absentmindedly wondering whether love potions would work when someone was in an animagus form, the comment meant nothing to her.

* * *

 _Well that was a super fun chapter to write, I hope it wasn't too confusing to read!_

 _Let me know what you thought, I would love to know,_

 _Your (in-love-with-James-Potter) Ravenclaw author_


	5. Maybe it's Time to Stop

**_Chapter Five: At-Least-Get-A-Believable-Lie-From-James-And-Almost-Certainly-Get-Caught (or Maybe it's Time to Stop.)_**

* * *

After the disastrous veritaserum incident of Saturday morning, Lily had received no less than 48 suspicious glances from Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew. And it was only Sunday. It was clear they were on to her, and while they may not have evidence that she did something illegal and highly questionable (and _technically_ she hadn't, because like all her plans so far, it had failed), they were watching her like three lions stalking a zebra. Or three determined Gryffindors stalking a smaller, redheaded Gryffindor. There was absolutely no way she would be able to try with the truth serum again.

She was beginning to feel like the whole thing was pointless. Why should she care about what her misguided peers were up to on their nightly escapades? It was none of her business. And it was distracting her from her schoolwork, her friends, and her life.

That's right. She had wanted to be distracted from her life. She wanted to be distracted from the friend who was gone.

She sat in a corner of the library, having sought out the peace in an attempt to distract herself via a productive method instead of a wild potter-chase. She was failing in this attempt.

Discarded to her right lay a half-written transfiguration essay for Monday. To her left sat a stack of untranslated runes, due on Tuesday. Thrown on the floor in frustration were several crumpled sketches of a Fire Crab's inner workings, the last in a collection due on Friday, each missing some integral part thanks to her current inability to concentrate. Just under where her head had slumped in despair laid her many (many) notes on the Potter-goose chase, and the many ( _many_ ) lists of ideas which she had failed in implementing.

It was a sorry sight, and her loud groan of annoyance scared off Matthew Turner, the 7th year Ravenclaw who had just turned the corner in search of a quiet place to study. His tripping over one of the dozen discarded balls of paper on the floor in a frantic hurry to escape the crazed Gryffindor awoke Lily from her haze of self-conflict.

There was just no way around it. She needed to know.

That night, there was a disagreement in the sixth year Gryffindor girl's dormitory. It occurred shortly after Lily Evans departed once more on a mission for the truth or blackmail (hoping to find either in the sixth year Gryffindor boy's dormitory). The disagreement was only indirectly about what Lily was doing that night, and pertained more to general obsession she had about this mystery, and whether it was going too far. Mary MacDonald thought that it had become detrimental to Lily's health, Jasmine Shafiq thought that they should wait and see, Robin Fawley thought that it was at least getting Lily's mind off a certain Slytherin, and Marlene McKinnon decided that _something_ should be done but didn't know what.

Lily herself was not part of the discussion, despite being the subject, so it was unbeknownst to her, that her friends decided that if it continued they were going to have to intervene.

While her fate was being debated by her worried roommates, Lily was snooping around, poking her pretty (prefect) nose where it certainly didn't belong — under the bed of James Potter.

It was there she found something that explained several things, why the boys were never tired after being out all night, the missing ashwagandha and roseroot, scientifically known as rhodiola rosea, both necessary ingredients when you're secretly making sleep restoration potions in your dorm. It was with that knowledge that Lily concocted her new plan.

Get-Truthful-Answers-From-James-And-Not-Get-Caught 2.0, had the unfortunate probability of getting caught, and the unfortunate possibility that the answer got would be a believable lie rather than the actual truth. So she wasn't sure it really deserved the 2.0 rating, but really, at this point, she was too lazy to come up with a new title.

Taking their supply of sleep reviving potions was the easy part. Confronting them she was less keen on.

* * *

"Why were you in our room last night?" Potter asked abruptly, when Lily cornered him alone after Charms on Monday.

"How'd you know I was in your room?" She said, thrown by the fact she had _already_ been caught.

"I saw you," he said simply, rubbing his long nose awkwardly under his glasses.

"Does that mean you were there? Do you not actually _leave_? Are you practicing invisibility charms or something?" She rapidly asked, stunned by that information.

"No, no. I didn't actually see see you. I saw you on–" he stumbled for the right word– "on, er, never-mind. You're avoiding my question. What were you doing there?"

"I– I have–" she paused under his gaze, suddenly not wanting to have this confrontation at all. She reminded herself that she wanted to know. She wanted to know. She needed to know. "I have your, uh, potions. And I, um, I'll only give them back once you tell me what's going on."

"Bloody hell Evans." She winced at his harsh tone. "Why? Why are you incapable of letting this go?"

"Why are you incapable of telling the truth?" She retorted, but her heart wasn't in it. She knew he was right, and she shouldn't be blaming him for her obsession with his secrets. He clenched his fists in frustration at her, and turned his face away.

"If it was just me Evans I would," he ran a tense hand through his messy hair, "I would tell you. I would tell you everything you could ever want to know. Because yes, I keep secrets, but what I find so impossible to do is to keep secrets from you. Even now, I'll tell you anything you want. Anything, except this. I can't tell you this Lily, and every time you ask it gets harder and harder to refuse. But I have to, and I'm pleading Lily, for the love of Merlin _stop_. It's not just my secret to share."

Lily opened her mouth then closed it again, and if James had been in a better mood he would have perhaps seen a resemblance to a fish who was lost for words. They stood there for a while, Lily gaping silently, avoiding his eyes, James slowly tearing his hair out.

"I should get to class," she finally said, "I'm late for ancient runes."

She wasn't late for ancient runes. She didn't have that class until the next day. In fact they both had free periods at that moment, while the NEWT Divination and Arithmancy classes took place, but neither felt the need to point this out.

* * *

It was Thursday before she spoke to James again. It was a simple interaction, Lily asked him to pass the potatoes at dinner, and in return he requested the peas. They both mentally noted how tired the other looked.

Lily was still yet to return the potions and ingredients she had taken from the boys' dorm, though she had spent many a night sleeplessly wondering if she should. She wasn't sure how much of their argument he had told his friends. She wondered if she'd lost Remus' respect. She'd certainly lost her own respect.

That night, while she brushed her teeth, even the mirror noticed how tired she looked.

"Someone's in need of a good night's sleep," her reflection commented, "you're ruining my complexion, look!" It pulled at the dark circles under her eyes. Lily flicked her wet toothbrush at it.

When she came out of the bathroom the dormitory was empty. She sat down on her bed and looked at the collection of vials that were causing her so much trouble. She thought about what the mirror had said, and impulsively grabbed one, pulled out the stopper, and sipped at the potion inside.

Almost immediately she felt better, and she hated that she felt better.

She was trying to distract herself by finishing her Fire Crab diagram for Care of Magical Creatures when Mary came in. A good thing too, because it was looking more like a squid than any tortoise shelled crab she'd ever seen. She waved her pitiful homework at her friend and said "Help!"

Mary smiled and joined Lily at the end of her bed, pulling out her own crab diagram and handing it to Lily for reference. Mary's drawing was impeccable and labelled flawlessly. Lily tried her best to copy some of the details onto her own page.

When Lily's hand gave up she turned to her friend and admitted "I've made a complete mess of things Mary."

"Look, it's not the best diagram of a Fire Crab I've ever seen, but it's not a _complete_ mess," said Mary, tilting her head at the drawing, trying to ascertain which end was the head. Lily gave a little laugh.

"No, not the drawing." She paused. "The whole thing with James, and– and where they go at night. I got so caught up in the mystery of it all, and I went too far."

She told Mary about her schemes and plans, and she told her about what James had said, and how it was stuck on replay in her head and she still couldn't work up the courage to give up.

Mary didn't interrupt while Lily spilled, nor did she press for details, she was good like that. Capable of not knowing things. She was also good at giving advice.

"I've actually been meaning to talk to you about this, Robin and Marlene and Jas and I, well we all noticed that this mystery thing was getting a little out of hand. So I've been doing some thinking about it, but first, I'm really glad you've, uh, realised. I definitely think that you should try to stop, and I'll be here to help you try and forget about it," Mary smiled carefully at Lily and gave her friend a one armed hug. "I know that this started as a distraction itself, and I know I encouraged you, but I'd say now is the time to let it go. Before things really get out of hand."

Lily nodded. "I should apologise as well, shouldn't I?"

"We can work up to that, eh? For now, let's eat some Chocolate Cauldrons. I stocked up last Hogsmeade weekend!" Mary stood up and went to her trunk to fetch the chocolate, which Lily accepted gratefully. "Firewhiskey chocolates are the best for troubled times!"

They sat like that for a while, munching their sweets in contemplative silence. Mary was the first to speak.

"Would you mind if I posed a theory to you?" She said, tentatively, "I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but I've been thinking about why you've been so obsessed with this Potter thing. Because usually you're pretty curious about things, but this was a whole new level. I just want you to think about this."

"Uh, sure?" Said Lily, curious about Mary's thoughts on the matter.

"I know that you say you can't stand him, but this fixation on knowing what James Potter is doing, well you don't think there could be another reason, other than the fact that you want a distraction or you're worried about Remus?" Lily opened her mouth to protest but Mary held her hand up. "Just hear me out. I know that for a long time he was horrible to Snape, and that you were close to Snape, so there was this big reason you had to hate him, and that consciously you still hold that grudge, even though Snape isn't in the equation any more."

"My dislike of Potter is perfectly valid, even though Severus has… Changed, their actions towards him were perfectly unreasonable, and he's still accountable for them even though Severus… Severus is–" Lily broke off and Mary took the opportunity to continue.

"But maybe unconsciously, you've realised that they _both_ changed, and that James now is someone you might want to get to know. But you feel like you owe it to the Snape you were friends with, who is gone, to hold this grudge against James. And _maybe_ you've become so invested with this mystery because it allows you to get closer to him without betraying this outdated sense of loyalty to someone who ended up being a worse friend than the boy you declared your enemy."

Mary said none of this accusingly, her tone was calm and clearly only posing this as a possibly, but somehow that made Lily feel even worse.

"James Potter is an arrogant, selfish, piece of dirty fabric not worthy of a house elf. Maybe he'd never insult my blood, but I– he– I don't want to be friends with him."

Mary frowned, but said nothing. Lily looked down at the labelled flaming squid shaped drawing in her lap. She didn't really think that about James. She wasn't sure what she thought about James anymore.

"But you're right," Lily conceded, "about the stopping, and apologising. I went overboard, and I need to let it go. I _can_ let it go."

"You can," agreed Mary.

* * *

Lily apologised to four boys the next morning, returning their potions as early as she could. It was stilted and uncomfortable (not least because she'd woken half of them up), but it was sincere. And this time, when she said she would keep her nose out their business, she meant it.

Her eyes met James' hazel ones, and she whispered another "I'm sorry," just for him, before turning away and going to meet Mary for breakfast.

Later that day she journeyed around the castle to tell her painted friends to forget about the mission she set them on. It was a therapeutic way of letting go, especially as none of them had found anything so there was no real temptation, until she came to Gifford Abbott. Gifford had something to tell her. He repeated a story one of his fellow secret passage guardians had told him, when he had spread the word about Lily's quest. This portrait, said Gifford, recalled being opened in the middle of the night by a mysterious invisible voice, and had suggested it could be the person she was after.

This new information was tantalising: invisibility, sneaking around secret passages, she was sure that questioning this portrait, knowing where it was they were going, would lead straight to the answer she sought. So it took all of her willpower to turn away, and let the chance for truth slip away like Potter through a secret passage.

* * *

 _A lil bit of angst (definitely not the last)_

 _As always I hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think!_

 _Your Ravenclaw author_


	6. Nighttime Wanderings of a Different Kind

**_Chapter Six: Nighttime Wanderings of a Different Kind (or Nighttime Wonderings of a Different Kind)_**

* * *

Since her resolution to drop the mystery Lily had to find new things to occupy her mind, trying hard not to become obsessive about any one of them. As the year continued it became steadily easier to ignore the dark eyes boring into her back and to throw his letters out the window without reading them and to forget the friend she once had while she made new ones. It also became easier, over time, to forget that there ever were mysterious disappearances of her fellow Gryffindors, and eventually she could look at James Potter without instantly being angered by the secret.

One thing that did _not_ get easier as the year passed was their schoolwork. And while it did not seem as intensely stressful as the incline approaching their OWLs the previous year, the content was significantly more advanced, and each spell or potion or concept took longer to understand and master.

Even over Christmas break the sixth years were not given a reprieve, and each of the teachers seemed to forget that other classes existed as they dolled out enough homework to fill any free time the students had. Lily had essays for Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and Care of Magical Creatures, as well as spells to practice for Transfiguration and Charms. She had about 30 pages of Advanced Runes to translate, and roughly 40 pages of DADA techniques to summarise from her textbook. Lily was glad she had dropped Herbology, because word was that they had to look after their own sapling snargaluff pods, and _that_ was a job no one envied.

Almost all of the other sixth years were in similar positions, and most of the Gryffindors were staying at Hogwarts over Christmas (all the seventh years laughed at them, claiming they had no concept of what difficult is, or how important breaks are). The pressure was clearly getting to Potter and his friends as well, because when Lily and Mary stayed up late a few nights over the break in the common room writing essays they were there too, sitting huddled on the armchairs next to the fire, clearly not mysteriously vanished.

They started sitting altogether after a few times when Lily went to Potter awkwardly asking his advice on the Transfiguration essay preparing for human transformation (because he was the best person she knew at Transfiguration), and Remus went to Lily asking about the potions essay (on _Why the Sopophorous bean is used in the Elixir of Euphoria, Draught of Living Death, and Memory altering potions_ ), and Mary went to tell Sirius off for bragging about his ease of Muggle Studies homework (and then refused to help him with the Care of Magical Creatures essay until he stole her some chocolate from Remus). And it was an awkward comradeship at first, but as Christmas faded into New Year, and New Year turned to January, bringing the return of other students and classes with it, Lily found herself slowly feeling more comfortable around the four boys.

She had already been friends with Remus of course, since their prefect-ships the previous year, but she began to appreciate the misguided humour of Sirius and the generosity of Peter and the thoughtfulness of James.

Only once did she explicitly bring up their disappearances, and it came about completely unplanned. A few days into their tentative friendship she had commented on how much James had changed since their early years while they sat working alone.

"For the better I hope?" He had jokingly replied.

"Of course," she had said with a laugh, "it would have been hard to get worse!"

"Hey! That was uncalled for," he said, mock offended, and she had looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He raised his hands in defeat. "Okay, maybe that was called for. I think, I think getting quidditch captain shook a bit of sense into me y'know? Mellowed me out somewhat."

"Oh I don't think you could ever be mellow," said Lily, shaking her head at the thought.

"Hmm maybe not," agreed James. Then he considered, "Matured me out then?"

"Yeah I suppose, although you still sneak out every night, I mean how is that mature?" Lily said, more snidely than she intended. As James' face fell she instantly regretted her remark. Clearly they weren't up to the joking about it stage. Although, she hadn't exactly been joking about it anyway. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry– I didn't mean to– I didn't– I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it to sound so–"

They avoided the hippogriff in the room after that.

* * *

January kept December's chill wind, despite thawing its layer of snow, but it failed to thaw the Hogwarts teachers' brutal workload, so just a few weeks after the holidays there were dozens of reminiscent conversations heard from the sixth years, envious of those free and innocent younger students. By the time January crawled to Lily's birthday on the 30th she had practically forgotten there had been a holiday just a month ago.

"Can you believe there was ever a time when we looked forward to being sixth years?" Mary bemoaned on the Thursday evening before Lily's birthday, from behind a stack of textbooks.

"I think it had something to do with the misleadingly named _free periods_ ," Lily dropped her wand and quill on the table to emphasise air quotes around the phrase. She dropped her head on her half-written Charms essay, smudging it onto her forehead. "Do you remember how we spent my birthday in second year? When it actually fell on a weekend? Sleeping in until midday, eating chocolate cake for lunch, lounging around next to the lake?"

"Yeah, and Marly was snatched up by the Giant Squid when she decided it'd be funny to hex it purple," reminisced Mary, thinking fondly of that day.

"Mm! She swears it still has a purple tentacle!"

"And that she still has sucker marks on her leg! She doesn't. I've looked."

"What I wouldn't give for a day like that," said Lily wistfully, thinking of the full day she had tomorrow.

"A day where Marlene gets attacked by a big-arse tentacle monster?" laughed Mary. "I know she was a bit of a terror when she was twelve, but she's grown out of it now. And for our sakes, I don't think that's a good idea! I don't reckon I could bear listening to her complain about feeling _slimy_ for a month again."

"No," Lily giggled at the memory, "I just meant a day off, where we could laze around and do nothing and not have to worry about _how a wizard can connect with his wand without speech, the benefits and disadvantages of non-verbal spells_ ," she motioned to her essay despondently. Part of the statement was now mirrored in smudged blue ink on her forehead.

"But instead we have double Trans-damnation and a dozen other tedious hours of 'learning'," moaned Mary, returning dismally to her work.

It was the next day that Lily truly appreciated her newfound friendships.

Having overheard their wishful conversation in the common room, Sirius and James decided to grant Lily her day off as a birthday present. After suitably teasing her about the ink stained _ladrev-non_ imprinted on her head which Mary hadn't mentioned, they set about arranging it.

Friday found all of the teachers rather suddenly ill with a mysterious silencing sickness that rendered them incapable of teaching for 24 hours. All classes were temporarily cancelled.

Not one piece of her looming homework could convince Lily to spend her unexpectedly free birthday catching up on work, and she lounged on the (slightly frosty) grass with Robin and Jas folding paper animals and then magically animating them, she drank tea with Remus, Marlene, and the Giant Squid, ate birthday cake with Sirius and Peter in the kitchens, and snuck into the forbidden forest with James and Mary to find unicorns.

James stood back from the clearing they eventually found, letting her and Mary enjoy their glistening horned company. And while they were being nuzzled by soft white noses James took out a camera he had borrowed from Peter and captured the magical moment, as he had been doing quietly all day.

By the end of her seventeenth birthday Lily was feeling more relaxed than she had for months. And when James presented her with a little album of magically moving photographs he had taken during the day she was overcome with appreciation she threw her arms around him, thanking him for the wonderful day.

Later that night, while she was flicking through the photos happily, she realised two things. One; there wasn't a photo with her and James in the book, because he had been taking all the photos, and two; she wanted there to be one.

This realisation, shocking her slightly, forced her to think about him (not that she was having trouble doing that anyway). Of course she had thought about him before, but this was different. She had recognised that he had grown up and changed since her days with Severus, and she had considered what Mary had suggested about subconsciously wanting to be James' friend, but she hadn't actually realised how much she enjoyed his company. And she really did. She liked being around him, listening to his rambling jokes and funny asides, arguing with him without the malice or anger they once held, discussing friends and school and life. She wanted to be around him more and more, and she _wanted_ to hug him and– and she didn't know what that meant.

She wasn't sure she was ready to know what that meant.

Because he was still frustrating, and he still kept secrets, and he still _did_ all those things she once disliked him for. Because even _if_ someone changes they can't change what they've done.

* * *

Despite mentally claiming she wasn't ready to think about how much she liked James (and whether that liking was a different type to the way she felt about Mary or Remus), she couldn't stop her mind from wandering there. Especially after Peter handed her a little moving photograph he snapped when James gave her her album on her birthday. The tiny James and Lily were stuck in a loop of an excited spur of the moment hug and the few seconds after the hug, where they both looked awkwardly away, confused about what had just happened. She stuck the photo in the back of the album. It was the page she turned to most often.

One night she felt particularly contemplative. It was a Saturday, and for most of the day she had been playing as a Transfiguration guinea pig for Mary and Jasmine (Robin had failed her transfiguration OWL, Marlene had dropped it as soon as she could, and James and his friends, even Peter, had quickly picked up the complex spell).

She really didn't enjoy being switched between a bird and a person, and definitely didn't enjoy being stuck as half bird half person for an hour until Mary searched for James to put her right again. Lily had tried her best to convince someone else to be the subject, and had even considered bribing some second years into replacing her, but James had professed that she was the prettiest bird, and then she didn't mind as much.

Eventually though (around midnight), Mary and Jas had got the hang of the spell, and although she could have argued for it Lily couldn't bear the thought of practicing the spell herself. She was sick of birds. As she declared herself done for the night she packed up her feather-covered books and went up to her room. She was promptly followed by her friends who said their goodnight and flopped into their beds.

Lily thought about sleeping, but when she closed her eyes all she could see were misshapen, misplaced wings and claws, and she was certain she would just dream about flying (and then being turned back into a person and falling). She did consider doing work, but the thought of using a quill just ruffled her feathers. She didn't feel like talking, and all of her roommates were sleeping anyway. She got up out of bed and tiptoed down to the common room. It was empty and dark.

But because the clock had technically tipped over to Sunday morning, Lily's hair gave off a subtle glow that meant she could forego _lumos_ and still see in the shadowy room. Her hair potion's 'unique results for redheads' illuminated a bright feather lying on the floor that Jas had missed while clearing up.

She picked it up and twirled it between her fingers. It was a shiny rusty red that shimmered with blue in the right light. James had said it was pretty. James had said she was pretty. She looked up the staircase leading to the boys dorms and was momentarily tempted to walk up to his room. But that was a bad idea, she thought, it was past midnight and they would probably be sleeping. And if they weren't sleeping, if they were gone– No. She wasn't going down that road again.

She wandered out of the common room unthinkingly, still holding the feather, into the dimly lit seventh floor corridor. She walked up and up, feeling relaxed now that she was out of Gryffindor tower, although when she realised her feet were taking her to the Owlery she stopped and rolled her eyes.

But she wasn't ready to turn back yet. Her mind was still rolling over and thinking about birds. And James.

She decided to go up to the astronomy tower, hoping she wouldn't get caught out of bed after hours. She knew there wouldn't be a class on right then, and it was such a relaxing room, high above the rest of the castle, close enough to the sky you felt like you could touch the moon.

As she walked up the many steps to the tower after waving hello to Primus Vega's portrait, her mind fell back to James. He didn't exactly say I was pretty, Lily thought, he said the bird was pretty. Why did he say the bird was pretty? Does he not think that _I'm_ pretty? Why does his opinion matter so much to me now? Did he mean that I'm pretty in every form? Why am I _obsessing_ over this?

When she reached the observatory room at the top she only had more questions and no answers. Her hand had tightened around the singular feather as she thought about James. She forced herself to put it out of her mind and focus on the beautiful clear night around her. A large crescent moon lined the sky, spilling light onto the Black lake and the surrounding grounds. Dozens upon dozens of stars twinkled high above the forbidden forest in their familiar formations. But she'd watched the sky a thousand times through the lens of a telescope, so that night she tilted the scope down to the Hogwarts grounds.

For a while she stood, eye to the lens, admiring the dark colours of the night. Wind shuddered through the black grass and created a pattern of ripples on the lake's surface, distorting the reflected sliver of moon. A few daring bats darted out from the forest. A few lights from Hogsmeade glowed eerily in the distance.

A large light shape moved in the trees near the edge of the forest, and a magnificent stag burst out. Lily was enthralled by the sight, the beast strutted up the slope towards the castle. Oddly, it was soon joined by a giant shaggy black dog, who pranced around the legs of the stag. The animals seemed more sentient than usual, with the way they were interacting, but Lily had learned not to be surprised by magical sentience in a world which created edible Peppermint Toads which _hop realistically in your stomach!_

However, what happened next did surprise her.

She twisted the telescope closer to the ground below her and saw a shimmer of movement, as if in the witching hour of the night reality itself had decided to tear. The tear grew into a flowing cloak, which was pulled aside to reveal Remus Lupin, grinning happily and holding a green quill and a large piece of parchment in one hand, and the cloak in his other.

Before Lily could register her shock at seeing the boy Peter Pettigrew appeared next to him, shooting up from the grass at Lupin's feet. Then, as she was reeling from their sudden appearances, she noticed the stag and dog start racing towards a big rock. With a sick feeling in her stomach, like she'd eaten 16 Peppermint Toads, she watched as Remus and Peter rolled their eyes at the antics of the animals. She shook her head in disbelief when she realised that she'd seen that expression before. It was the lovingly exasperated look that Lupin saved for only two people.

She kept the telescope trained on the two racing animals. Then suddenly they weren't animals anymore.

They were Potter and Black.

"Bloody Merlin's 10 foot beard," she whispered, and Lily's feather dropped to the ground, forgotten. It lay there until late Sunday morning when it was picked up by a disgruntled Filch, who threw it out.

* * *

 _Oh no! The dreaded cliffhanger! I hope the fluff at the beginning (and the extra length) was enough to tide you over, because it'll be angst for another few chapters. Muahahaha!_

 _But really, I am sorry about the cliffhanger (lol no I'm not), but Lily finally knows they're animagi, so that's something at least!_

 _Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it!_

 _Your evil Ravenclaw author_


	7. An Inability to Tell the Truth

**Part Two: Secrecy**

 ** _Chapter Seven: An Answer, an Argument, and an Inability to Tell the Truth_**

* * *

James Potter had always been secretive. He might not have seemed like it to others, being fairly outgoing and friendly, but he loved keeping secrets. When he was young he would pretend that the family cat was talking to him, and together they would go on secret adventures around the house, eavesdropping and snooping. When, inevitably, at age 6 his first big broomstick ricocheted into a cabinet of potions he enlisted the help of their house elf to tidy it all up. He had been thrilled to find that his little secret went unnoticed, especially because he wasn't meant to have been flying inside. He didn't _purposely_ go out of his way to break the rules, it had just so happened that his father's posterity workshop was the perfect width for concentric circle flying (if only those bothersome pots and cauldrons hadn't been in the way).

He had also convinced their house elf to sneak him chocolate frogs and other treats occasionally, and once a month they would sit together and eat Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans until he felt sick. He once 'borrowed' his mother's wand to try to make a secret passage from his room to the kitchen which had only resulted in a _small_ fire and a couple broken picture frames. Nothing he couldn't clean up before his parents noticed.

He absolutely loved pulling pranks with the Marauders and watching everyone's stunned expressions as they puzzled over it. He revelled in refusing to tell people how they had achieved it. He even kept secrets from his friends. It had taken several years for him to tell them that he fancied Lily Evans (although they apparently had already figured it out and had assumed he had just been in self-denial).

But he knew from experience that when people found out about secrets they got annoyed. So, regrettably, he knew exactly why Lily Evans was shouting at him.

"How could you have thought that this was a good idea?"

"Woah now Evans," James looked around at the once again busy common room where she had cornered him, and decided that damage control was the best course of action despite his annoyance. "So maybe I did something stupid –"

" _Something_ stupid?" James winced at the loudness of Lily's voice. Despite how often it seems to happen with them he knew that she didn't actually like public scenes and confrontation. He also knew she'd regret it later. So would he. Unless he could keep his annoyance at her insistence under control, which definitely wasn't easy. He took a deep breath and tugged on his hair.

"Okay," he conceded, "Several somethings stupid. But you can't know the whole story–"

"Yes of course. I _can't_ know." Lily waved her hands in frustration, wand dangerously gripped in her hand and shooting out puffs of steam with every new flourish. "So you told me for months and yet here I stand. _Knowing_."

"No, Merlin, I mean–" James clenched his teeth and lowered his voice. "I meant that, while you clearly know something, there's no way you know _everything_ , and I would really rather not do this in front of every other Gryffindor and his pet toad."

"Then oh _dear_ ," she enunciated with a pointed stare. "It appears we're in a _stag_ nant stalemate."

"Lily, please," he said calmly, trying not to react to the obvious references to his animagus form. But _bloody hell how could she know_?

As she brandished her wand at him he realised too late that his efforts to remain calm just infuriated her further.

James dodged the spell Lily cast at him, a tricky little hex which hurled into an innocent 4th year standing behind him, turning the poor girl's ears bright purple. Her friends quickly hurried her out of the common room when her ears started spewing bubbles.

"Throwing hexes in the common room, really! Aren't you a prefect Evans? Shouldn't you try and set a better example to the students?" He returned a spell of his own, revelling briefly in the act of duelling before she deflected it off and he came to his senses.

"You're a Quidditch Captain, you should know better just the same as me!"

"Funny, I don't recall that being in the job description," he smirked, "I think the title says it all. I'm no prefect, I just captain quidditch."

Another hex was hurled his way which he dodged quickly. The bystanders behind him were more prepared this time and parted so the hex hit only the wall, turning the splattered patch of wallpaper where it hit a rather nasty shade of blue.

"Evans. This is not the place."

"Not the place to tell you that I think you're an absolutely pathetic person with an outdated ego the size of an erumpent?" Lily inundated each word of her crescendoing insult with further spells, which in her anger, luckily for James (and the innocent Gryffindors behind him), only spluttered out the end of her wand ineffectually. "Not the place to say that you're a complete fool who dangerously breaks rules because he needs the attention?! And– and that I hope a Hebridean Black dragon decides to eat you!"

"Strangely specific Evans," said James with a smile, as he _expelliarmus'd_ away her wand. "I'd prefer the Chinese Fireball m'self. Now, do you think we continue this intriguing discussion about which dragon should devour me outside? I'm not sure the first years should hear the gory details."

"Give me my wand! And you know it's not about that. It's about your ruddy _secret_. That you're all—" Suddenly Lily's voice was cut off. Although her mouth was still moving no sound came out. She supposed it was better than having Potter's hand clamped over her mouth.

She looked up at him with a fierce glint in her eyes and saw that he was no longer smiling. His gaze flickered over to where Remus stood watching, out of Lily's sight, wand held up after casting _silencio_.

"Nonetheless," he continued calmly, "I don't think we should talk about this in front of everyone else, hm?" It was an order rather than any opinion, and he walked slowly towards her and tugged on her arm until she followed him upstairs to their dorm. She silently protested, and attempted to retrieve her wand from where it was tightly held in his other hand above his head, but he wouldn't give in.

As he walked up the stairs with her, ignoring her struggles to jump high enough to reach her wand, he glanced behind him to see his friends make to follow him. He shook his head and Moony frowned before stopping and whispering something to Sirius. Sirius shrugged before whispering back, and James hoped he would say something reassuring. James mouthed a final _Trust me_ at them before continuing up. He didn't think that having multiple people with different plans trying to deal with an angry Lily Evans would be useful.

When they reached his dorm he held the door open and motioned for her to enter. She put on her best glare and made a final swipe at the too-high hand that held her wand before walking in and standing in the middle of the circular room. Damn Potter for being so tall.

"You can sit down if you want," he said. She crossed her arms and glared harder. He shrugged and tried not to laugh at the scrunched expression on her face.

She pointed vehemently at her mouth and then at her wand before re-crossing her arms.

"Yes you have a very pretty mouth Evans, pity you use it to yell at me so often. So I'm going to enjoy this silence while it lasts."

He sat down on Sirius' bed. She glared and sat down on his. He wasn't enjoying the silence at all.

"Right," he started, unsure of what to say, "So you've uh, figured some stuff out." He ran his hand through his hair and grimaced.

She decided that she really needed a more varied arsenal of glares for situations like this.

"Obviously you know about…" He lifted his hands onto his head and made little antlers with his fingers and the wands. "Cause you were making puns that'd rival Padfoot's! I think he'd actually be impressed if he wasn't so worried you'd, um, tell everyone."

She blinked at him. He pulled his hands back down to his lap. James' cat jumped up on the bed next to Lily and started rubbing up against her. It was hard to keep glaring at someone with a purring cat next to you.

"Oh," he said eloquently, fiddling with the wands he held. "Maybe I should actually hear everything you _do_ know before I start spouting irrelevant secrets hm?"

She rolled her eyes and nodded as sarcastically as she could. He had never realised that a nod could hold such disdain.

"But if I give you back your wand I need your word, or I suppose nod in this case, that you won't summon that dragon or do anything drastic. You tell me what you know, _calmly_ , and I explain," He said carefully. "That's what you've wanted this whole time right? An explanation. But if you try to hex me or whatever I won't say a word."

He'd taken a risk here and he knew it, acting like he held the cards when it was definitely her. Lily could curse him and run out, telling everyone what he thinks she knew, but he was playing to her curiosity and thought she'd be reasonable if she thinks she can find out the truth.

She nodded, and he hoped he knew her well enough. He didn't mention that he's shite at counter-charms and just tossed her her own wand to undo it herself, albeit nonverbally.

"You're animagi," she spat, as soon as she un-silenced herself. " _Illegal_ animagi. And you run around at night doing stupid, dangerous, _illegal_ things."

"Hey hey now, the running around at night isn't illegal," James corrected, "it's just stupid, dangerous, and against the _rules_."

"But it _is_ illegal Potter, because you're doing it as unregistered animagi!"

"Yes. Yes we are." This was where it would have gotten confusing if his friends had all joined him in talking to Lily. Sirius probably would have tried to obliviate her, Peter would have accidentally blurted out the whole truth, Moony… He wasn't sure what Remus would do actually. But James knew what _he_ was going to do. "We're… All animagi. We did it last year, for fun."

"For _fun_? You underwent a 3-month long process which could have seriously injured you or left you part animal eternally for _FUN_?"

"Well, more for a bit of a challenge really. I think the worst of it was the mandrake leaf," he confided. "Oh boy, Pete nearly swallowed his three times. I don't think any of us could _look_ at leafy vegetables for weeks."

Lily nodded. She'd never heard something so stupid in her life. Sounded just like Potter.

"And I suppose the sneaking out part is to see how long you can wave illegal transformations under the professors' noses before you all get thrown in Azkaban?" She asked sarcastically.

"Not exactly," he replied with a tentative laugh. "We're, well, finding out all of Hogwarts' secrets. We want to know each passageway, all the nooks and crannies, every hidden secret of the castle there is."

With the enthusiastic glow in his eyes Lily didn't doubt James was telling the truth. She just didn't think he was telling the _whole_ truth.

"And you accuse _me_ of being the knowledge hungry one," she quipped, then her face fell. "I still can't believe you're animagi."

"Well now you know the—" he hesitated— "truth. And you know that if other people find out how much trouble we'd be in. Not that I usually mind trouble, but I reckon this sort of trouble'd be a lot worse than scrubbing trophies with Filch breathing down your neck… and if you don't care about Sirius or me, think about what Azkaban would do to poor Peter! We dragged him into all this, you wouldn't stick him in prison would you?"

"If you're trying to ask me not to tell anyone don't worry. It was never my intent to 'expose you for the truants you are' or anything. I just wanted to know, you know?" Lily looked down at her hands, regretting her earlier outburst even if she thought he was still hiding something. "I– I didn't mean to confront you in front of everyone. I guess I just got so angry that you were doing stupid dangerous things when I thought– I thought you were growing up… But now I know."

The countless endings to that remark went unsaid but nonetheless heard. Now I know your secret. Now I know what you do all night. Now I know that you'll never grow up.

Now I know that you haven't changed at all.

James wasn't sure what to say.

"I mean you won't even tell me the whole story!" Lily continued suddenly, looking up at him. "I saw Remus had an invisibility cloak, so why bother with transforming when you can hide completely? And why wasn't Remus an animal? And the parchment? What's that about?"

If someone had been watching this scene unfold they might at this point have assumed that James had been _silencio'd_ , because his mouth kept opening and closing without a jot of sound coming out.

"Oh don't bother, I can guess, _you can't tell me_." She stood up strode to the door, disappointed in them both.

"Lily." James found his voice, as quiet and desperate as it was.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me," she spat before turning and walking out the door, leaving James to lie back on Sirius' bed and wonder what he could have done differently.

She was wondering that as well.

* * *

 _Oh will the angst ever be over? As someone with knowledge of what the next chapters entail I can tell you in strict confidence that there will come a day when this story will be happy once more. But this is not that day!_

 _For now, I'll leave you in suspense once more._

 _I do hope you enjoyed the CONFRONTATION (omg wow it finally happened),_

 _Your busy Ravenclaw author_


	8. The Furry-Little-Problem

**_Chapter Eight: The Furry-Little-Problem (or The Problem with Friends)_**

* * *

"It just isn't right," James said, half-heartedly charming a Fizzing Whizzbee into doing cartwheels across the dormitory floor beneath him. "It's not like she's gonna tell anyone."

"Ou ony wan oo ell er aus hes aad a ou," voiced Sirius coherently, hovering half a meter above his bed with a dozen Whizzbees stuffed in his mouth.

"I don't _only_ want to tell her because she's mad at me," argued James, deciphering Sirius' message and letting his cartwheeling sweet careen into his cat's mouth. "I mean, yes, obviously I'd like her _not_ to be mad at me. But this isn't just another James-fancies-Lily-so-he'll-do-anything-for-her moment."

"Then give us another reason," said Remus, a very serious expression on his face. Sirius nodded, mouth bulging.

"Well, I guess, don't you think she deserves to know? We are kinda her friends… At least I think we are. Or we were."

"Not really, no. It's our business, it's _my_ business, just because she _wants_ to know doesn't mean she needs to," said Remus, not angrily, but with quiet resignation. "The more people who know about it the more danger I– _we_ are in."

"But it's Lily, we've known her for six years!"

"We've known practically everyone in our year for six years," he snapped, "we've known Snape for six years, Mulciber, Avery, should we tell them too?"

"No of course not, but they're Slytherins Moony! Lily's one of us. She's your friend for Merlin's sake." His eyes flickered between Sirius and Remus and he lowered his voice. "And, well, Snivellus didn't exactly spill did he?"

"Oh, of course James, you're so right," said Remus sarcastically. "Let's just tell Lily everything and then get Dumbledore to make sure she doesn't tell anyone that I'm a _werewolf_. Would you like to explain to our headmaster that you're all illegal animagi and we've betrayed his trust or should we let Padfoot do it?"

"For the record," interjected Sirius, having finally swallowed his magical sweets and returned to rest on his bed, "I reckon we _should_ tell Lily the whole truth."

"Ah yes, because you're _so discerning_ when it comes to revealing my 'furry little problem'. Your ideas are always just brilliant aren't they Sirius?" Remus turned on his friend with new vigour. Sirius winced at the scathing remark.

"S'alright Moony," James intervened, "this isn't about Snape. We've been over that, and I'm not saying it wasn't stupid of him, because it was a fucking idiot move—" he shot a glare over at Sirius— "but he knows that. He knows that. And this is completely different."

"Yeah, right," Remus nodded, taking a deep breath. "It's just still a bit of a sore spot I suppose."

"Chocolate?" suggested Sirius tentatively. "The best remedy for scars you can't see, right?"

"Thanks Padfoot," said Remus, accepting the peace offering.

"I don't think we should tell her," said Peter, finding an opportunity to speak. James wrinkled his brow and tugged on his hair, he was losing here. He'd been sure Pete would agree with him.

"Why's that Wormtail?"

"She's not part of the group," he said simply, with the pride of someone who _was_ in the group for once. "It's better as a just Marauders secret."

"So…" James hesitated. "Sirius why do you think we _should_ tell Lily?"

"What's to stop her from blabbing?" He raised a dark eyebrow. "She's found out we're animagi, but also knows you didn't tell her everything right? She doesn't actually care about whether other people know, and once she knows everything— what's really at stake, there's no way she'd let slip. But _right now_ , she could either threaten to blab to find it all out, or she could actually tell. Even without meaning to, like when she was yelling at you she dropped a ton of hints. We can't risk it."

"I don't think she'd tell," said James defensively, forgetting that Sirius was really agreeing with him about what they should do.

"Well she bloody tried to blackmail you into telling her before, she threatened me, bribed Wormtail. So yeah, she _might_."

"Look, why can't we just tell her about the map and everything without telling her why you're animagi?" Remus asked.

"She's smart," James sighed, without the usual admiration he had saying that, "and she already picked up that you weren't an animagus, and she knows about the cloak. I _tried_ just telling her part of the truth, I did, but it only made her more annoyed."

"If she tells now, we'll be expelled Moony," said Sirius. "But if she knows about you, she won't."

"No, no, you can't put this on me Padfoot. This is not my fault. I'm... Eternally grateful to you guys, you know that. I am. I don't know what I would do without you. But Lily only noticed this whole this because we started going out every night."

"No one is saying this is your fault. It definitely isn't. It's Sirius'," James grinned, trying his best to diffuse the growing tension. "Nah, Moony, we're just trying to figure out where to go from here. Even if we decided to stop exploring at night, and well the map is pretty much done, I mean I think we know _every_ secret Hogwarts holds. But even if we stopped now, Lily knows and we need to decide what to do about that."

"I don't think _anyone_ could ever know all of the castle's secrets."

"Okay, maybe not, but we've certainly got the farthest! Besides, it'd be impolite to know everything about a Castle before you marry it Pete. You haven't even proposed yet," James joked, throwing a box of toffee rings over at Wormtail.

"Huh?" Peter fumbled with the box before dropping it and spilling toffee all over the floor. Sirius levitated some of them into his mouth.

"Never-mind Wormy, keep your innocence. And Remus, well it's your decision. I would never dream of telling Lily without your say-so, and neither would _Sirius_. And I know that would be hard for you, so I'm not going to force you into it or go behind you if you just say no. But there is no way, _no way_ that she would treat you any differently. She's a muggleborn, the Slytherins hate her just as much as they would hate you if they knew. Obviously they already hate you because you're a Gryffindor and you're one of us, but you know what I mean. She's like us. She's your friend and she cares… She probably cares more about you than she cares about me doesn't she? Maybe I need be a prefect for Lily to like me."

"James. Not helpful. Or relevant," Sirius said. "Point is Moony, _you_ , plus telling Lily about your secret, equals happiness and rainbows and us not being expelled and Lily still being the nice friend she is to you. Yay."

"And equals her talking to _me_ again and realising that we're decent people who wanted to help our friend rather than just break rules."

"I can see that you're not going to let this go," said Remus resignedly.

"We absolutely would let it go. Just after you agreed," said James with a grin. "This is you agreeing right?"

"Yes. I'm agreeing. But _I_ tell her. No one else, okay?"

"Absolutely."

"And I'll wait outside and _obliviate_ her if she reacts badly and you want me to," added Sirius.

"Not that she's _going_ to," reassured James.

* * *

"I'm going to do it Mary," moaned Lily, with her face firmly pressed into her pillow.

"Do what?"

"Drown myself in the Black Lake," came the reply.

"I don't think that's a _great_ idea sweetheart. Maybe as last resort? I've heard that drowning is particularly nasty. But I'm sure Slughorn would let you use the classroom to make a Draught of Living Death, then you'd stay beautiful _and_ be able to escape all your problems."

Lily groaned into the red and gold pillow.

"Lily. Seriously, you need to stop moping and get up. Or at least tell me what happened with James."

Lily groaned louder, her fists crumpling up her sheets. "No."

"Lily this is ridiculous. Come on."

"Fine," she sighed, turning over to lie on her back. "I yelled at him."

"Right… And?"

"He didn't yell back."

"I don't really see what the problem is with that Lils," said Mary, furrowing her brow. When Lily didn't reply she continued. "Look, I wasn't there for the fight in the common room, but Robin and Jas filled me in. From what they said, and correct me if it's wrong, you finally found out his secret. The one you spent so long trying to figure out before Christmas. And you told him as much." She paused for confirmation and Lily gave a slight nod. "And then you went up to his room to talk it out and when you came out you were upset and you've been moping here ever since."

"Pretty much," agreed Lily, and then it all just came spilling out. "He was being decent and telling me the truth even though I had just… _Tried to hex him_ … And we could have been fine, despite my idiotic outburst after I first found out, but I just _had_ to start yelling at him again because he didn't tell me the whole truth. Merlin, it's none of my business! I mean, yes he did something incredibly stupid, but he had every right not to tell me, and he has every right now to just ignore me completely. All of them do! He's probably told them all by now what a horrible inconsiderate witch I am. Oh Merlin. I wish a Hebridean Black dragon would eat _me_! I bet he hates me."

"And that bothers you?"

"Of course it bothers me!"

"A year ago it wouldn't have, so why does it now?" Mary questioned, trying to hide her growing smile.

"I don't like it when people don't like me."

"Most of the Slytherins dislike us," she reasoned.

"Well that's for something I can't control. I _should_ be able to control my temper."

Mary twisted her lips in thought.

"And I suppose… Iwasfinallystartingtolikehim," Lily mumbled quietly.

"What was that?" Mary asked with a grin, having heard perfectly.

"I was finally starting to… To like him," she repeated. "As a friend of course! But he's the same idiot he's always been, and I'm the same stubborn hothead I've always been. We're never going to change. So why can't I stop thinking about him?! It. Stop thinking about it."

Mary wasn't sure what to reply to this, but before she had to consider it they were interrupted by the door flying open.

"What's up Lily-Bazily?" Marlene McKinnon asked loudly, upon entering their dorm and seeing the redhead draped on her bed.

"I'm having a crisis."

"She's having a crisis."

"What kinda crisis?" Marlene enquired, chewing on some of Drooble's Best.

"An existential one," cried Lily from the bed, her hand thrown over her face.

"A romantic one," Mary whispered. Then she mouthed _James_ with a knowing look. Marlene winked back.

"That explains the dramatics then. And the giant blue stain on the common room wall," nodded Marlene, blowing a bubble twice as big as her head for effect. She sucked it back in and continued chewing. "Well do have fun, I just popped in to grab a top up of ink, if you need me to talk to _lover boy_ for you I'd be happy to."

Mary giggled at this while Lily spluttered in horror.

"No. No— He's… I'm— I don't. No. Marlene, no!"

"Later!" Marlene grabbed the ink she wanted, a lurid shade of red that Mary thought no one should have to read in, and exited the room with a flounce and flourish of her wand. Some matching red confetti sprinkled down on Lily's head. A few pieces fell into her mouth as she continued to vehemently protest.

"He currently hates me Marly!" Lily shouted at the closing door. "And I'm still annoyed at him! Ptuh," she spat out the confetti in her mouth then turned back to Mary. "That girl is crazy."

"Oh tell me about it," she agreed, shaking her head at Marlene's antics. The dorm seemed incredibly quiet now that she had left.

The silence was broken by Lily's sigh.

"Okay, let me get this straight Lily. You're angry at James because he was doing something dangerous which you don't approve of and he won't still tell you the whole secret. _He's_ angry at you for sticking your nose where it didn't belong, and _you're_ angry at yourself for not having the self-restraint to forget about it. Mm that's a right conundrum," Mary looked down at the redhead with pity. "I think some Chocolate Cauldrons are in order!"

Not long after Marlene's dramatic exit they had another visitor to the dorm. Mary and Lily had only had time to eat a single cauldron each before Jasmine Shafiq poked her head around the door.

"How are you feeling Lily?" Jas asked cautiously.

"Could be worse," she replied with a shrug and a half-hearted smile.

"Well that's good to hear. Are you up for a visitor?" Jas paused, thinking. "Although he couldn't really visit you I don't think, so you'd have to go out to him. So perhaps visitor is the wrong word…"

"Oh I don't think I could bear looking Potter in the eyes right now."

"No, not Potter. Lupin." As Lily took a moment to wrap her head around that, Jas rambled on. "You see, Robin and I were playing snap and her last card had just blown up when Marly came over to ask if we could help her write her Divination logbook. Oh why in Merlin's name did she write in that blasted red ink? Almost gave me a headache. Robin's lucky she dropped the subject. Anyway, then _Lupin_ comes over and asks if we'd all seen you 'cause he wanted a word, and well I couldn't _stand_ trying to read in that abominable colour one second more, so I upped and offered to come find you."

"And here you are," added Mary, putting a merciful end to the girl's rambling.

"And here I am!"

"Did Remus look angry?" Lily ventured anxiously.

"I think I'd describe him as nervous, although Robin commented that he looked worried, and Marly thought he was more concerned, so I couldn't be certain."

"But not angry?"

"Mm no I don't think so, but I could ask Robin if she thought he was angry."

"Nah that's okay, thanks Jas," she replied, and Jas left with a nod. Lily over at Mary. "I guess I should face the music then huh?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine Lily," Mary reassured her. Rallying all her Gryffindor courage Lily pulled herself off her bed, smoothed her hair, and took a deep breath.

"If I'm not back in an hour…"

"I'll dredge the Black Lake for your remains," Mary finished. "Hopefully _before_ the Giant Squid eats you."

"Hey! Squidy and I are buds! He would never eat me," said Lily defensively.

"Oh that's right, I forgot he was on the top of your eligible bachelor list," Mary deadpanned.

Lily laughed and was silently thanked Mary for taking her mind off her worry, even if her sense of humour was a touch grim sometimes. Then she set her jaw determinedly and left the safety of her dorm to find Remus.

He was sitting in one of the squishiest armchairs, a red tartan one set apart from most of the others with a decent view of the forest. He was twiddling his thumbs together agitatedly and wasn't making use of the window at all, eyes darting around at the floor. Jas had been right, he did look nervous.

She plumped down on the chair next to him.

"So you wanted to talk?"

* * *

 _Well this really could be renamed the 'Chapter with all the Italics' couldn't it? Okay, maybe I went a_ little _overboard..._

 _Alas, the angst is still not over! Don't worry though, the next chapter is the last one (excepting the epilogue), and I assure you a resolution is imminent. Also, I can't believe it's almost over! Ahhh!_

 _Your excited Ravenclaw author who likes Italics a bit much_

 _P.S. Idk but some people might be a little confused about my portrayal of Lupin, cause he seemed a tad mean and angry in this chap, so I thought I'd just justify it a little. People always write Remus as the calm quiet nice guy, and I'm like… This is the man who abandoned his pregnant wife to go adventuring, who yelled at 3 teenagers telling him not to, and who was totally down with murdering his old friend after like 5 minutes. #savage. He was also super scared of people's reactions to his condition, so it makes sense that he was somewhat hesitant to do so, even if it was just Lily. Hopefully that cleared it up a little, and if you didn't like it then that's totally your choice (the wrong choice, but yours nonetheless ;) )._


	9. The Pixie-Puff Incident

**_Chapter Nine: The Pixie-Puff Incident (or How Many Times Can We Apologise?)_**

* * *

"A— a werewolf?" exclaimed Lily. "Merlin." She couldn't even bring herself to add a ridiculous item Merlin could have had (hey, he was an eccentric wizard with little documentation... Sparkly high heels were totally plausible).

Lupin nodded cautiously. They were alone in the 6th year boys' dorm to ensure there were no unwanted eavesdroppers, and Lily was sitting on Peter's bed this time (unable to bring herself to look at James'). Remus was standing in the middle of the room, unable to meet Lily's incredulous gaze.

"Oh," she gulped, her eyebrows forming a concerned triangle in the middle of her forehead. "Right... I suppose that makes se— well I suppose it— well it explains some things doesn't it?"

In fact it explained a lot of things. It was as if everything she had known before was a puzzle and she had finally found the final piece.

"I mean, Sev— Snape suspected, but I just thought he was spouting conspiracy theories, trying to make me hate you all more…" Lily trailed off. "I can't believe I never— How could I not have noticed? We've lived in the same tower for six years and I didn't… A werewolf!"

Remus nodded slowly again, almost wishing he _had_ taken Sirius up on his _obliviate_ idea.

She got up abruptly and Remus flinched. He thought she was going to walk out on him, that she was going to leave and never really look at _him_ again, only ever see a _monster_ hiding in a skinny teenager's body. Because that was what he was, wasn't it?

She hugged him.

"I'm so so sorry Remus. I am so sorry that you've had to deal with this, but I'm here for you, and I _always_ will be."

He breathed a long sigh of relief, exhaling all the anxiety that had pent up at the back of his throat.

"Uh, it's not close to full moon is it?" She asked tentatively, slightly ashamed to be nervous.

"Not for another week," he reassured her with a chuckle.

"Wait," Lily pulled back with a realisation. " _That's_ why they became animagi? It wasn't for _fun_ , it was so they could what? Go out with you? God. That's so... So Potter. Incredibly reckless yet somehow so well meaning."

"It helps… Having them with me. Makes the nights easier, makes me feel less like a monster."

"You're not a monster Remus!" She hugged him again, never wanting to let go of her friend lest he believe he really was.

"Lily, you can let go now, I can barely breathe here."

"Oh," she said, releasing him. "Sorry."

"You could rival Sirius for the most bone-crushing hugs!"

"Thanks?"

"Hey, at least you don't lick people when you're excited. And thank Merlin he doesn't have tail when he's not an animagus, it'd thrash everywhere."

* * *

If there was a spell that could make awkward tension a tangible thing, then there would have been a mountain of it piled on the Gryffindor dining table the next morning. Specifically in the area above the sausages between a certain bespectacled, messy-haired boy and the girl named Lily Evans.

Somehow (let's blame Mary MacDonald), despite the spacious length of the Great Hall tables they had ended up sitting opposite each other.

The enchanted ceiling was showing brewing clouds above their heads. James thought it brought out the red in Lily's hair. He would never admit that aloud. In fact, he was having a bit of trouble saying anything out loud with her sitting right there.

The boys were all sitting next to him, but they were engaged in their own conversation about the long term benefits of having a bad reputation. They had abandoned him to 'sort it out with Lily' with nothing more than a pat on the back.

James knew that Remus had talked to Lily, the details of their conversation had been retold in the dormitory the previous night. He knew that Lily had been understanding, and sympathetic, and he also knew that Lily felt bad about yelling. Yet he still couldn't bring himself to say anything to her.

Maybe it was the fact that he'd been rejected one too many times. Maybe he was still a little annoyed at her. Maybe he just didn't know what to say. Maybe he was just scared. (If that was it, maybe he shouldn't have been a Gryffindor.)

He could see Mary subtly elbowing Lily in the stomach, and Lily unsubtly glaring back at her over her toast. There was beginning to be a rhythm to it. Elbow, elbow, glare. Elbow, elbow, glare.

He reached past Peter to grab some Pixie Puffs. Elbow, elbow, glare. He didn't often have that particular cereal — it wasn't exactly very healthy, but saved it for special occasions like his birthday. After the weekend he'd had, he felt he deserved the treat. Elbow, elbow, glare.

"Quit it!" Hissed Lily under her breath, James could only just hear what she whispered. "He clearly doesn't want to talk to me."

Did he not want to talk to her? Was that what this hesitance was? No, he didn't think that was it. Elbow, elbow, glare. He just… wasn't sure how to start.

As he pondered, trying to avoid looking at Evans (and let's be honest failing miserably), James poured pumpkin juice in his bowl of cereal instead of milk.

Elbow, elbow, yelp! Lily had clearly finally given up on the power of glaring and stomped on Mary's toe instead. Yes, that probably would get Mary to stop.

As Mary pouted, and Lily rolled her eyes, James picked up his spoon and dipped it into his bowl of Pixie Puffs, unconscious of the fact it was swimming in essence of pumpkin.

Now if any of you have ever had a Pixie Puff dipped in Pumpkin juice you will understand James' immediate reaction of disgust upon it entering his mouth, however for those fortunate few who have avoided such horror I will take a moment to describe it. A Pixie Puff is an airy sweet cereal, with a touch of light crunch that is magically maintained when submerged in milk. It is sugary, but not overpowering or sickening, and with each bite you get a pleasant tingling sensation throughout your mouth ( _excessive consumption may induce sneezing, coughing, watering of eyes and other orifices, hysteria, and/or death,_ _Honeydukesᵀᴹ_ _is in no way liable for any complaints or instances regarding the aforementioned side-effects of consuming Pixie Puffs_ _ᵀᴹ_ ). However, many of these charms do not retain in other liquids. So when James Potter put his spoon into his mouth expected an airy delight swimming in a bath of milk, what he got was a mushy paste of soggy spun wheat and sugar with a gulp of watery, pulpy pumpkin.

It was for that reason Lily Evans soon found her face inadvertently covered in it (well… _It_ and rather too much of James' spit for her liking).

Well that was _one_ way to start a conversation.

"Oh my Merlin I'm so sorry Lily!" gushed James, much like the cereal had gushed out of his mouth and across the table. Mary stifled a laugh. Lily blinked slowly in surprise. Some malformed Pixie Puff goop slid down her cheek.

"Godric, here, I'll clear it up." James whipped out his wand. " _Aguamenti_."

A large stream of water spurted out of his wand and, as if the dark clouds above their heads had finally burst, Lily Evans was soon absolutely drenched. The mushy Pixie Puffs were now in a puddle in her lap.

By this time, most of the Gryffindors were avidly watching the scene. Some were laughing, some were horrified, none could look away.

"Oh crap! _Scourgify_? _Scourgify_!" James frantically waved his wand in Lily's direction, his voice slowly increasing in desperation. Pink bubbling foam was added to the mix on her robes. Students from other houses were now turning around too look at what the disturbance was. From the teachers' table Dumbledore observed the commotion with a calm interest. Professor McGonagall put her face in her hands, bemoaning her house's reputation.

" _Tergeo_ ," said Remus calmly, leaning over mercifully and cleaning the watery mess off Lily, who was still staring at James, speechless.

"Lily I am so sorry. I just– there was pumpkin y'know? And I was distracted– so the charms– and– and the cereal, and I really didn't mean to, I promise." James adjusted his glasses awkwardly and stared down at the bowl of liquid that had started all this trouble. " _Evanesco_ ," he muttered, and it was vanished. He didn't think he would ever so much as touch a box of Pixie Puffs again.

"S'alright James," Lily finally replied, unusually quietly. "Though I'm not sure I'm very hungry anymore." She put down the slice of toast she had been eating with distaste.

"Mm, neither am I," agreed James. Then he tugged on his hair and his Gryffindor courage, and continued speaking. "I don't suppose you'd like to… To take a walk instead? I mean, if we're not gonna eat anymore, we may as well go and I don't know, talk?"

Mary elbowed Lily again. She was too startled to glare at her friend this time.

"Uh, sure… James… I'd like that."

They both got up, ignoring the fact that half the students (and the headmaster) were still watching them, and did the awkward walk down either side of the Gryffindor table until they finally met at the end and could exit the hall together.

(The Pixie Puff incident, a term imaginatively coined by some onlooking third year, soon become widely known throughout the castle. You know how gossip spreads. Those who had missed out on seeing James Potter spit cereal on Gryffindor's golden girl Lily Evans were understandably upset, although whoever told Peeves must have been feeling particularly destructive. Many claim it was that story which prompted the lovely series of wet cereal poltergeist attacks of 1977. Peeves also created a song which resonated around the Hogwarts halls for weeks after featuring some _interesting_ descriptions. Lily and James didn't care.)

They walked in silence for some time, neither quite sure where they were going. After a while, near the portrait of Geraldine the Gracefully Ignorant (and her neighbour Plain Dave) they slowed to a stop. Lily looked down at her shoes and James brought his hand up to twist his hair nervously.

"I'm sorry," they said, simultaneously, finally looking each other in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Lily continued, her heart beating faster than she wanted it to.

"I'm sorry for keeping secrets," James replied.

"I'm sorry for prying into them."

"I'm sorry for _silencioing_ you and taking your wand."

"I'm sorry for trying to put veritaserum in your Pumpkin juice."

"Oh, so _that's_ what that was," James said, breaking out of the pattern with surprise. "The boys thought it was a love potion."

"Why on _earth_ would it have been a love potion?" Lily questioned incredulously.

"Oh something to do with revenge and losing reason or being obsessed I can't remember. Honestly veritaserum makes a _lot_ more sense now that I think about it."

"I will _never_ understand how boys' minds work. Never."

"Anyway, I'm sorry for deceiving you… And for underestimating you too."

"I'm sorry for blackmailing you… And not trusting you."

"I'm sorry," James looked at her very seriously for a moment, "for spitting cereal all over your face."

Lily laughed, very glad that she could feel comfortable around James again. James was glad to see her smiling again, especially at something he said.

Both feeling incredibly relieved they started walking again, to nowhere in particular, footsteps falling into time, hands falling casually, excitingly close.

"So how did you manage it?" Lily asked, unable to resist. "The whole animagus thing?"

"That… Well, with a lot of 'hypothetical questions' for McGonagall," James replied, then put on a mock-studious voice. "Purely for academic interest of course."

"I'm sure she never suspected a thing with _that_ act," she laughed.

"Are you insulting my acting skills Evans?"

"I think you're insulting McGonagall's intelligence frankly."

"You wound me! I'm awfully convincing when I want to be y'know."

"Ah yes, like the time you tried to tell me that it was _entirely_ Sirius's fault that my favourite scarf got eaten by a niffler even though Mary _saw_ you dangling it in front of the poor thing's nose an hour before."

"But didn't you doubt Mary for just a moment after my gruelling sincere apology for my friend's dunderheaded action?"

"Not even for a second Potter," she grinned, shaking her head at him. "Not a second."

"Psh, it was your fault for having such a sparkly gold scarf anyway."

"It's a Gryffindor colour!"

"Your hair is Gryffindor enough to last you a lifetime Lily."

"Well everything about you is Gryffindor. You're reckless, and rash, and arrogant… And brave, ridiculously so considering you run around with a flipping werewolf. But knowing that you've done all that for him, it's so... Incredible." Lily looked almost embarrassed at saying all this, and for once she was the one playing with her hair. "You're loyal to a fault, although I suppose that's more of a Hufflepuff trait. And though I might not have always seen it, you're chivalrous and kind, and you _care_ about people. And… I guess, what I'm trying to say, is I quite liked it when I was one of the people you cared about. And I know we've already apologised, but I want to just assure you that I'm done with the whole nosiness thing. Your secrets are _yours_ to keep if you want."

"Oh Evans," James casually slung an arm around her shoulders, which she didn't push off. "You're one of us now, you get to be in on _all_ the secrets! You're going to be begging for an escape soon, but you're stuck with us!"

Lily smiled, whether at the promise of his friendship or the arm around her it was hard to tell (James also smiled, definitely because of the arm he had around her).

"You know," he continued, "having someone to tell secrets to is actually going to be quite nice, 'cause the boys are already all in on them of course, so there's no joy in the reveal… Also—" he leaned in conspiratorially— "I'm not sure I've ever heard someone use the word 'and' as many times in one breath as you just did. That's quite the achievement."

As they talked and laughed they soon found themselves back outside the Gryffindor common room. After a raised eyebrow from the Fat Lady and a " _Password_?" the entrance swung open, allowing them in. As they stepped through James got a faint waft of blueberry and pomegranate and Lily thought she smelt broomstick polish.

For now, they both attributed the scents they knew from their amortentia to the cozy atmosphere of the common room, rather than the person they were standing next to. But either way;

They were home.

* * *

 _Oh my goodness that's the end! Except not really, because the epilogue is still to come and I promise you it's worth sticking around for. But YAY! Main storyline complete!_

 _Tell me if you loved it, tell me if you hated it (I can take criticism I promise, I'll only cry a little ;) ), tell me what parts you liked, I would LOVE to know!  
_

 _For those of you sad that they're not together yet just be patient my young padawans. This was a 6th year story, and they don't get together until 7th year silly beans. Have a little faith (*whispers* Epilogue! Epilogue!)._

 _I wasn't originally planning to include any of the conversation between Remus and Lily, but a kind reviewer commented that they couldn't wait to see Lily's face when she found out (I have some bad news for you... You can't actually see it, I'm sorry, that's just how writing works! Did you not know?). So that inspired that little scene,_ _and I hope you liked it! (Also this chapter was going to be wayyy too short, so I needed something to stick in)_

 _Also, thank you for the italics support in the reviews for last chap, I'm glad I have some kindred spirits out there. I tried to cut down in this one, but I'm not sure I succeeded lol... Italics bring me life._

 _Sorry it took a bit longer than usual, we caught up to the point where I hadn't actually finished writing, and I've had a pretty bad week so it was hard for me to get motivated, but we're done now! The epilogue will come soon, it's pretty much complete._

 _(This AN has been very long... Apologies, I had a lot to say)_

 _Thanks!_

 _Your excited-for-the-epilogue Ravenclaw author_


	10. Epilogue: Arguing Again

**_Epilogue (or Arguing Again)_**

* * *

James Potter and Lily Evans were always arguing.

It had started, early, with James' dislike of Snape, and Lily's dislike of James. But, as Snape and Lily's friendship deteriorated, and James behaviour softened, so did the hatred in their fights. As their friendship progressed in sixth year their fights slowly transitioned to friendly banter:

Who was the better Charmer? Whose quill was finer? If Lily was actually casting tiny shrinking charms on James' glasses, or if his head was just getting bigger. Whether Merlin really had a beard (and whether he ever wore high heels), and if Dumbledore wore hair extensions to the Hallowe'en feast (beard extensions Lily!). Little things of insignificance that they could feel comfortable fighting over because they both knew none it mattered at all, and there was no chance that they would lose the tentative friendship they were working towards.

When they were named as the Head Boy and Girl in their final year the dynamic had shifted again; they argued over some things that had weight, but with such lightness that it felt it didn't really matter:

Whose turn it was to mark up Prefect rounds, if it was morally right to hex Mulciber to hiccough whenever he said Mudblood. Who McGonagall loved more (it was Sirius obviously). And if Lily was continuously casting little engorgement charms on James' glasses this time, or his head was finally getting smaller. They could be sarcastic and scathing and not have to worry about leaving each other.

James enjoyed these kind of arguments, the ones with hidden smiles and teasing pokes and the kind of light in their eyes that was the opposite of anger.

But they still occasionally fought for real, fuelled by frustration or overworking or maybe something that looked like jealousy. And James didn't enjoy these fights, the ones with yelling and anger and curses and stares from everyone caught in the room with them. They always followed the same pattern. They would get so caught up in the heat of the moment (sadly not the type of heated moment James wanted with Lily) and say all sorts of mistakes they didn't mean. Then they would storm off, and cool down, and regret.

So when Head Boy James Potter was confronted with a fiery-eyed (fiery-haired) Head Girl yelling at him in the middle of the common room one evening, he thought he knew exactly what would unfold.

"This is just getting ridiculous James," she was saying heatedly, biting her lip in annoyance and glaring up at him.

"I told you last night I wouldn't be able to make it to the damn meeting," he started, misinterpreting what she was angry about. "Besides we sorted out the details a week ago! You said you could handle it."

"I did handle it! I am _perfectly_ capable of dealing with two dozen teenagers, even _if_ MacMillan and Greengrass refuse to patrol together anymore. What, did you think I wouldn't be able to control them? That I'm some kind of pushover who can't hold her own with a couple rude Slytherins or overly-talkative Hufflepuffs?"

"Of course not! Merlin _trust me_ , I know better than anyone that you can hold your own."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Only that I've been on the wrong blasted end of your wand a few too many times not to know you can handle people who annoy you," James retorted, flicking his eyes up in annoyance.

"Oh like you didn't deserve it Mr-I'll-just-transfigure-Lily's-essay-into-a-plane-and-fly-it-into-the-fireplace!"

"That was one time!"

"Well at least I take my Head duties seriously. You miss meetings, you turned up late to patrol after galavanting off with Patricia from Hufflepuff!" Lily's face went red after she said that. James, as he always did, wrote it off as anger and exertion from yelling, missing the unintentional slip of jealousy.

"I was helping her perform _Orchideous_ because she couldn't do it in class, _besides_ you admitted that you'd only arrived a minute before me, and I've only _ever_ missed this one meeting. But if you're so great at being the lone wolf Head Girl why are you complaining about me not being there for once?"

"This isn't _about_ the prefect meeting! I don't care that you weren't there."

She did care that he hadn't been there. But just not in the way he thought.

"What? Then why are you yelling at me about it?!"

"You were the one who brought it up and said you didn't think I could handle them by myself!"

"Merlin Lily! Only because I thought that's what you were annoyed about. I never had _any_ doubt that you could deal with them."

"Sure, of course, _I_ believe you," she said sarcastically, "because you _always_ tell the truth."

"If it's not about the meeting then what in Godric's name is this about?" He asked exasperatedly.

" _You_!" She brandished her wand at him.

A couple wary students levitated their armchairs out from behind James in case he ducked. But she didn't fire. Not yet.

"I'm so sick of secrets."

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to have done this time Lily! I tell you everything," he loudly lied. There was still one secret left, and despite his Gryffindor courage, he wasn't planning on telling her any time soon.

"You haven't _done_ anything!" she shouted, and then her voice dropped from a shout to a barely audible whisper. "That's the problem. It's not _your_ secret, it's _mine_."

James looked at her in confusion, dozens of questions flying through his head faster than the speed of his Nimbus 1500. His mouth apparently couldn't keep up, so he stayed silent while she continued.

"And I want so badly for you to have this secret too," Lily continued, "but every-time I think you might I convince myself I'm wrong. And I can't stand it anymore. I need to know, and I need _you_ to know."

Her hand was still wrapped firmly around her wand, pointed at him, and for a moment after she finished speaking he thought she was going to shoot a spell at him. But instead of a spell flying at his face, it was Lily herself.

When their lips met James was too stunned to move. He would later claim that someone had _stupefied_ him from behind, but we all know it was just the shock of having Lily Evans _kissing_ him.

There were several loud whistles from onlookers when James finally came to his senses, wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her back. With vigour. Marlene McKinnon charmed some heart shaped confetti to spin around their heads, and someone (probably Sirius) started loudly warbling Celestina Warbeck's ' _You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me_ '. He was soon joyfully joined by several other enthusiastic Gryffindors. James and Lily were happily too busy to notice.

They stayed like that, busy, for quite a while; happily in their own blissful bubble.

" _This feeling's utter bliss! Yet something seems amiss! Like a Dementor's Kiss, you're_ consuming _me!_ " Sirius' tuneless shouts continued on. Most of the other Gryffindors had moved on after a few minutes, already accustomed to the pair and too busy with their own lives to be distracted for long.

When they finally broke apart James was still slightly in shock, his eyebrows raised so high that they were hidden by his messy hair (made messier by Lily's hands). As he gradually came to grips with what just happened his sense of humour returned as well.

"Shouldn't you be setting a better example as Head Girl Lily?" He said, quoting one of their typical argumentative lines when things got out of control.

"What are you going to do about it, oh impeccable-role-model Head Boy?" She looked up at him with a grin. His glasses were all fogged up from their faces being so close together and she wasn't sure if he could actually see her, but he grinned back anyway.

"I'm going to remove you from the public eye so they don't get any ideas," he said, starting to walk backwards towards the staircases and pulling her along in his arms, "and so we can continue this in private of course."

" _Cause without you_ I _despair!_ "

"Oh do shut up Sirius!" Lily cried out exasperatedly.

"We're having a moment here mate," said James at the same time.

"You've been having a moment for a while there Prongs. In the middle of the common room. Where everyone can watch. I was just providing a soundtrack!" Sirius replied defensively, although thankfully he stopped his singing. "Petes even gone to get popcorn."

They walked up to the seventh year boys' dorm hand in hand, both smiling uncontrollably.

"So, this secret of yours…" James prompted with a grin, plopping down onto his bed.

"I think I made it pretty clear James," Lily replied, but he raised an eyebrow and waited. "You're really going to make it say it?"

"I think you owe me that much," James replied, folding his arms behind his head.

"I don't owe you anything!"

"No, you're right," he amended, with a flash in his hazel eyes, "besides, I can guess your secret anyway. You... Once got a T in Potions, but charmed Slughorn into raising your mark."

"I did nothing of the sort you sod!"

"By charmed I mean bewitched with a wand of course, nothing like what you just did to me." He waggled his eyebrows with that remark. "No? Well then is your secret that you… Were the one who transfigured my hair pink in fourth year?"

Lily laughed, and sat down next to him. "No, but I wish I was."

"Aha, I've got it! You Lily Evans, are hopelessly in love with me."

"I— I'm sorry James," she replied, staying serious for just a second before losing her straight face. "My true love… Is the Giant Squid!"

"You wound me Evans!" James cried dramatically.

"You see, we're kept apart by the the cruel barrier between land and lake. I've been using you to learn transfiguration techniques so we can finally be together!"

"No! Say it isn't so!"

"I suppose I can settle for you," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck again. "Your hair is quite tentacle like."

Having been about to kiss her James burst out laughing at that.

"If anyone else had said that I think I'd kick them out straight away. _Tentacle_ like. You're lucky I like you."

"I certainly am," Lily replied, and leaned in to kiss him once more. "But you're luckier, because I love you."

"I love you more Lily."

"No, I love you more."

And there they were: Arguing again.

* * *

 _All done! Wow, it's finally finished!_

 _(I am sorry this part took so long, I got caught up in Uni assignments and this has been_ almost _complete for a very long time, I just couldn't quite get it right)_

 _Thank you all so much for sticking with me and reading and reviewing, I hope that it brightened some of your days :) I'd love to hear your final thoughts!_

 _I really hope you enjoyed it,_

 _Your accomplished Ravenclaw author_


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